I receive various email newsletters and mailings from groups such as the National Resource Center on LGBT Aging, SAGE, (Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders), and others.

I received an email from the National Resource Center last week called Looking for Love? First Look Out for You!. This goes to a page on their web site with a short two-page fact sheet of "Tips on How LGBT Elders Can Avoid the Infamous Sweetheart Scam."

Reading it, I realized despite the three intro statistics, this is not just for seniors or those of us over 50. Anyone of any age who is looking for a friend (or more) can benefit from this.

The intro tells us:

The fact sheet goes on with great advice on how to avoid being scammed. It applies to what they politely call "dating sites" as well as hookup apps and sites, social media (I know friends who have been taken by strangers they were "friends" with on Facebook), or for that matter, even people you might meet the old-fashioned way in person. Another friend was scammed by a guy he met in a bar.

I posted about this on the CFS Home Page this weekend and I'm also attaching a copy of the fact sheet here in case it disappears or is moved to some other location online.

~ Bob S.

Attached Files

LookingForLove-handout-web.pdf (487.7 KB, 91 views)

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Voltaire was quoted saying that 'Common sense is not so common'.

I am mentioning this because it is indeed, a good thing that there is a warning out there aimed at helping people who may be lacking it.

Say, a guy in his 50's or 60's, etc., falls for the hot young dude. It takes very little wisdom to keep his eyes open. There is an obvious asymmetry in dating desirability. This is a fact of life. It also does not go on to say that each and every hot, young guy is out there after your money and other possessions. But being reasonable about it is obviously a must.

Those of us who have had the privilege of being around for a while have hopefully acquired some life experience and accompanying knowledge, too. Why would all of that go through the window if we feel attracted or in love with anyone, regardless of his age group or looks?

Laudable as the warning may be, it reminds me of a warning a friend of mine reported reading on a chocolate bar called 'fruits and nut' - may contain nuts! (No pun intended!)

KD

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Gay or straight - the flattery of someone younger and hotter strokes the ego.

Some people are more than willing to be the "sugar daddy" spending their money in exchange for the attention and pseudo affection. As long as they realize it is more like an escort than a lover I see no problem with it.

The issues arise when they start to think "they really love me".

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Yup. If a dude does not know where and how to draw the line, he doesn't qualify for a daddy of any kind, sugar or not.

I landed myself a lucrative summer job before going to college. Once the term started, I found a nicely paid part-time job, too. In addition to all of this, my parents decided to generously sponsor me until I got my graduate degrees, too. I also received a pretty nice trust at the age of 19 which could have seen me through my college days without much ado, too.

So, I was fully loaded by all standards. The guys I was hooking up with for sex all belonged my peer group. A few of them admitted that hooking up with me was a bit more fun than with some other fellow college dudes. I had a comfortable place all for myself. A dude could get a meal and a couple of drinks if he needed those. I'd buy a guy I thought deserved it a dinner or two at a really nice place once in awhile. I would take a guy or two on a weekend or a back road trip along, and foot the bill. This little bit of generosity on my part looked very attractive to a few guys.

Practically all of them commented at one time or the other that all the other tops wanted their asses for some fun, too. But no one was going to offer them even the smallest act of kindness in return.

I have never had any problem in spending some of my money for the fun I was getting. Hardly anyone ever came asking for anything in particular. I gave what I wanted to give to whom I chose to give.

But I have never had a problem of drawing a line. If I wanted an escort, I would have hired one, too. Yet, I have always recognized that small acts of generosity can have very great impact on improving and maintaining a good and happy life.

KD

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I know we're getting away from the original subject matter but you made a very important point there, KD.

I would also add that gratitude as an everyday practice also has an incredible impact on improving "a good and happy life" whatever one's place or standing, rich or poor, young or old.

I do know the elderly are particularly vulnerable to all sorts of scams, whether from advancing age, declining capacities, lack of social connections to family or friends or support networks or whatever.

Thus, the sweepstakes scams, the repeat mailings from whatever cause/charity/religious group/politician or political group, regardless of their status or authenticity. Here in the US there is an issue with sort of "bogus" charities that consume most of their donations in salaries and administrative costs and do little for their supposed beneficiaries. Some of these use phone calls from hired call centers with high-pressure tactics; they won't take no for an answer.

I recall a friend's elderly mother who subscribed to a magazine called "Windows" and was upset when she found that it was full of stories and ads for computers and such and had nothing about drapes and window treatments.

It's amusing, but for many credulousness seems to increase with age. Others, of course, are overly credulous and trusting all their lives. And of course, others are overly suspicious.

And in at least one or more political campaigns here this year, we see both credulousness based on suspicion and sometimes hatred. Did I really just write that? I didn't mean to get into that sort of thing.

Now I'm digressing as middle-aged men do, and I must move on.

~ Bob

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Call me crazy, but whenever a well-meaning organization issues a pamphlet, I cannot stop thinking of Glee's Emma Pilsbury's office filled with little neatly folded one page pamphlets that promised to answer any question and resolve any issue.

Unfortunately, life is usually too complex for very simple if well-intentioned solutions. And with so many pamphlets around (as in Emma's Office), I am really wondering if anyone is really taking them seriously?

All of us, and in particular, our seniors need strong support networks. People to talk to, and check their decisions with, among so many other things.

The folks who are integrated into their school/work/club networks are a bit better off. The solitary seniors are obviously the most vulnerable ones.

The vulnerability of the seniors is a direct consequence of the lack of intergenerational cooperation in many advanced societies. Sadly, much of it is a cultural trait, too.

Most of my US friends who are now senior citizens (or who are approaching that age) have been proudly telling me how they are now going on SKI vacations. When I looked incredulous, they enlightened me with the explanation that SKI meant Spending your Kids' Inheritance!

Sure, more power to them! It is their money...

Most of my European friends of the same peer group thought that I was kidding them...

When alls said and done, there is a price tag attached to almost everything. If you are going around boasting how you are spending your kids' inheritance on one day, how can you be possibly seeking their support and help in your hour of need?

I have absolutely no doubt that some folks will rise above the materialistic world, and come to support their otherwise SKIing parents and relatives. More power to them, too!

Yet, for many the daily grind and the struggle to manage your life in this economy takes a very heavy toll. Some simply cannot afford to dedicate any time or resources to support anyone in any sense because they are barely making it themselves. And the others do not wish to be taken advantage of by the hitherto SKIers.

Just my 2 cents...

KD

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DAMN! A weekend road trip in college? You were doing well! We were trying to pool our money together to have enough for a couple of 6 packs of cheap beer for the weekend! A road trip was 8 or 10 of us in one room at a motel 6.

But from after college I do understand what you mean - I never thought of it as gift in trade but with the guys I was with we never worried about who owed who dinner or the like - this was someone I was having sex with - if I am willing to put his cock in my mouth and I am not going to worry about who bought dinner!








That was one of the cute ideas in the early years of Glee - a little one page pamphlet "So you think you are pregnant", "So you think you are gay" - everything solved in a nice simple pamphlet with the guidance counselor never having to talk about anything uncomfortable! Actually that sounds pretty realistic - I don't know what a guidance counselor in my day would have said if I told them I thought Jimmy was cute....

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You are right! I was DOING well! I was working my butt off, too. But there were lots of very tangible rewards, too.

By far, most guys were naturally into sharing of what was available. No one thought otherwise. But usually, there was very little available for sharing, so that it really did not matter one way or the other.

Once the whole transition to college was over, and most of us felt we somehow settled in for the next 4-6 years (no joke when you are 18 and like, 6 years was a third of your life); the leagues started emerging. The politics of sexual selection was at work. The more aces you had down your sleeve the better it was for you. Occasional if tame material benefits turned out to be very useful as a bit of a 'face-saving' strategy' for the guys who were mostly/only bottoming. The very twisted societal narrative said that they were 'kinda helping their friend(s) in need', so it was alright for them to be somehow compensated/rewarded. What 'real' men would ever bottom/suck dick for pleasure? If there was a 'higher reason', well, that was OK.

On a more realistic level, the top of the league dudes kept on trying to keep their positions by all means. And a few other dudes were naturally challenging the order of things. Being loaded among the many who are not was a very major advantage.

KD

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I wonder if that is changing at all with societies greater acceptance of gays.

When we were first starting out there needed to and "excuse" - strip poker - truth or dare - a bet... we needed the excuse of "Well he dared me so I had to suck him..."

As we got older opportunity became the "excuse" - "well there are no girls here to get us off so we have to help each other out"...

By college those excuses were harder to justify - there were plenty of other opportunities - it was a time when you had to start accepting you liked sex with other men, but yet there were guys in all stages of acceptance. Some had been playing around for years and were gradually accepting who they were - some who kept trying to change - and some who were still virgins and trying to figure out who they were.

My upbringing and society - as well as the development of AIDS which scared the hell out of us - keep myself and a lot of others deep in the closet.

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