I was instantly hooked and so scared of what I was becoming. I head that voice in me head say your a cocksucker.

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I did not experience that at first - we were just kids playing around trying to figure out sex - this was just a passing phase - it did not mean anything - all the excuses a boy could find to tell himself that the gay sex he was having was not gay.

It was when I got to be a bit older that I began to wonder if maybe it was not a phase - when I started doing it with a second guy and trying to make plans so that it could happen (having him over when no one was home, finding a new Playboy so I could bring up the topic of sex).

I think when it really hit me was the first time he fucked me. I had long since convinced myself that sucking each other was just "fooling around" but that first time I agreed to bend over - well it was hard to pretend that was not gay.

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