A discussion with a good friend of mine yesterday made me really curious. I had asked him what he fantasies about during sex, whether it's while he's fucking someone or getting a blowjob or what. He replied that he does NOT fantasize during sex, he merely enjoys the physical sensations and these are what gets him off.

This surprised me...but now I'm wondering if I'm "doing it wrong"....because I fantasize ALL during sex. I think about porn I've seen, I put myself and whoever I'm "gettin' busy" with into porn scenes.

Should my mind not be straying into these areas during sex? How much am I supposed to be focusing on whoever I'm doing it with?

IS THERE A SEX THERAPIST IN THIS HOUSE?

I'm forty-one years old and suddenly having all these issues with sex....it's wierd.

Just curious about what you guys have in your heads during sex...

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Handsome bear looking for good looking aggressive guys, whether top or bottom.

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I don't have enough blood in my body to let both heads function at the same time. So being able to think during sex is a challenge for me.

All the same, sometimes I fantasize, sometimes the moment is enough. Usually when I fantasize, I am on the receiving end of a blowjob. If I am actively fucking or sucking, I'm too busy to think and am just lost in the moment.

If you have time to fantasize, maybe the moment isn't enough for you. So go ahead and let your mind add to it. Sex is mostly mental anyway.

As for your friend, maybe the moment is always enough for him.

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I only fantasize if the sex isn't good, and I try to avoid those situations. Frankly, if you're going to fantasize, you may as well be jerking off. Just my opinion. If you're fantasizing, how can you connect with someone else in the moment? And those spontaneous connections in the moment are what's good about sex.

Porn, for me, is a poor substitute for the real thing. Sexual stimulation for the single guy. Whenever I've had porn on during sex, I pay no attention to it at all.

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I agree, if I'm with a guy I don't have time to fantasize, I'm usually caught up in the moment.

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My mind will wander if I'm having BAD sex, but as I've mentioned here before, usually these musing tend to head in the direction of the leftover pizza in the fridge and the Star Trek rerun I have on tape. These tend to be more appealing to me than a dude who has no clue what he's doing, and I can't wait until the guy is out of here so I can hit the sofa.

Generally, I don't have much to fantasize about during sex when it is going well. I'm definitely into what is happening right then and there.

At the same time, however, I've had various encounters with guys who have put some porn on the TV for me to watch while they are sucking me off. This can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending.

If the porn in question turns me on, if it has guys I enjoy looking at, that's fine. It can be an added bonus, a bit of extra visual stimulation. Yet even the hottest porn pales in comparison to a guy who is taking good care of my dick. I will ALWAYS watch HIM and ignore the video. Guys who are doing a mediocre job at best... well, the porn can make an otherwise average experience more pleasant. But if the porn is awful, I can find it distracting, so that even with a GREAT cocksucker I get a little frustrated. Bad porn AND a bad cocksucker makes things even worse. Probably the worst experience of all has to be when a lousy cocksucker puts in lousy porn and then keeps WATCHING the lousy porn himself and not paying attention to my dick, of which he was doing a lousy job in the first place!

When I invite a guy over to my place, I do not put in porn. I like to focus on what we are doing, and frankly, I make enough noise and provide more filthy dialogue than any porn.

I have never thought about something I've seen in a porn movie when I'm with an actual human being. Only during very BAD encounters have I sometimes let my mind wander and thought of a guy who actually has pleased me in the past in order to possibly hasten an orgasm so I can put an end to a sticky situation.

I WILL sometimes think of a hot time I've had while waiting on someone to show up. It's just a mental atmosphere kind of thing. I may let various fantasies float through my head as I'm anticipating a hot blowjob soon to come. But I always turn my attention to the guy I'm with once he arrives.

In general, I think that SOME degree of fantasy during sex is acceptable, especially with a partner that one may have been with for a long time. But if you are thinking of NOTHING else but OTHER experiences or porn flicks, something isn't working right.

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Hm, usually I fantasize about the guy that is sucking me off or I am fucking. A lot of guys do not get into being told "Suck that cock boy"... So I fantasize that I am saying that (and more )while stroking his face.

There is a lot that goes on in my mind - I am very hyper & I just think about a lot of different things. Always have. And never thought twice about it....til now! Damnit! Just kidding. We are all different & I know I certainly am.

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Corey

Not as innocent as one might think

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I am bi and married. I have pretty good sex with my wife, but I do need some cock and ass once in a while. I love my wife, but I have needs from time to time that no woman can fulfill. I have been having a dry spell with my extracurricular activities, and lately, I have been fantasizing of topping other guys as I fuck her. My latest fantasy was me fucking a young hot black stud flat on his back with his legs spread wide in the air. I see his face and magnificent hard body and huge cock as I fuck him. My fantasies drown out my wife's own screams and moans as she orgasms repeatedly. Finally, when I cum, I see him stroking his own big cock and cumming on his chest. Naturally, I pull out and blow my own load on her chest which solidifies the fantasy. Recently, when fucking her doggy style, I had a fantasy of fucking a tattooed bear doggy style. Straight guys will have fantasies of fucking other women, but I am not straight!!! Somehow, this makes me feel like I am having a bi threesome.

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I have seen posts from so many married guys in the exact situation.

I have a friend that he and I fooled around for years - when he got married he let me know that was over - he was going to be faithful.

After a few years of marriage he started admitting to thinking about when we used to do it - a year or so later he started talking about watching gay porn - a year or so after that as long what he did was "limited" it would be ok.

I never pushed him - let him decide for himself what he wanted so that he would never blame me.

But he just realized he could not live the rest of his life without cock.

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He sounds like me!!! And just to be clear: I am definitely NOT GAY!! I love my wife. I love her pussy. I watch straight porn as much as I watch gay porn. I pop wood when I see a hot girl at the store, etc. It is just that my sexual needs are so much more than that of a straight guy. One part of my brain is satisfied by m/f sex. Another part craves m/m sex. If I am able to feed both areas of my brain with the required sex, then I am happy. If not, then I am sexually frustrated.

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If I am really enjoying the guy I am with I am likely concentrating on what I am doing, but sometimes wishing it was more. More as in a more involved relationship rather than a hookup or FB type thing., assuming the individual would be possible under different circumstances (If I am playing with someone significantly younger, 'more' would just be more frequent &/or additional sexual activities not currently being employed. lol)

But I do sometimes close my eyes and combine characteristics in my mental theater" this cock, that guys chest, that other guys legs, butt... eyes... tongue action...

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We need to play!!

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That is me exactly. My main focus is on the sex - but yet I do sometimes think about it being "more" than just getting off. I guess it is because of changes in gay porn. When I first say gay porn it was just "Hi my name is Bob. Want to fuck?" and now they make it a lot more "emotional" where the guys are making out and the like. I don't think I am looking to "date" but it would be nice to have it be more than a hook up. And I sometimes fantasize about that.

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Bi married guys are the best hook ups. They understand discretion and the necessity of doing the deed and being done with it. There is no emotional attachment. You suck, you fuck, you might kiss. Then you shake hands and go on your way.

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VERY true - they are discrete and usually very safe - they don't want to risk their wife and family but they need the release of sex they get with a man. And sometimes they feel like sex with a man isn't "cheating" since there is no romantic connection.

The problem is finding a guy who is comfortable and does not feel guilty about it and will keep hooking up regularly.

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You have just described my dilemma.

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