To Cum or not to cum

paveld29 · #1 18th September 2004, 07:16 PM

I was in a ABS the other day and met up with this cute guy. He went into one booth and I went into the other. I sucked his dick through the GH for a while and then he sucked mine. I ended up coming in his mouth and he clearly was not happy about that. I've never had anyone ask me if I want them to cum in my mouth before they did it. So I have never asked either. I'm pretty new to gay sex and the book store scene, so I have just been feeling my way through the process and following other people's example. Should I be asking before hand or Is there a signal I should use if I'm using a GH? I feel bad about this and just want to know what to do in the future.

GASlick · #2 18th September 2004, 09:18 PM

Yeah man...you kinda goofed!....Most often people would like to know if you are about to cum. There are many that would rather like to see you shoot your load....rather than taste it. More of a turn on for them.

There are those that think there is less a risk for STD's...of course suckin a bare dick is just plain risky anyway!!! Some guys just plain dont like the taste of cum...

Each to their own!

hairylegs · #3 20th September 2004, 12:20 PM

Have to agree with GASlick. It was sort of impolite not to inform the guy that lunch was coming.

But I would'nt beat up on myself too much. Any guy who takes a strangers dick in his mouth has to know that it just might go off unexpectedly. As we say under somewhat different circumstances, shit happens.

I really enjoy taking the guy's load, even though I don't like to swallow. I let the guy know up front that I want to know when he is starting. Then it's my decision to either take it, go for a facial (yuck) or to quickly move out of the line of fire.

Happy sucking. Don't let the one incident turn you off to a lot of future fun.

ScruffyCub · #4 20th September 2004, 04:45 PM

There isn't really any well-known hand signal or gesture that I've ever seen implemented on a regular basis, but now and then a "thumbs up" sign will suffice.

Even easier -- just say: "I'm going to cum." Most gloryholes in ABS booths are far from soundproof! The guy should hear you. Probably.

I'll agree, however, that a guy who is sucking dick through a gloryhole is pretty much setting himself up for it. While it IS rude to cum without warning, it's also up the guy to communicate his personal choice to you. Granted, sucking a dick through a hole makes this more difficult, but not impossible.

In MY experience, it works like this:

Most cocksuckers KNOW when a dick is close to cumming. If they want it, they take it. If they don't, they usually start jerking you off when they suspect you are close. Now, some dicks give very little indication that they are nearing climax. I've met a few of these dicks. MY dick is responsive and I can't really think of ANY instance (except maybe when I was seventeen) when a guy could NOT tell I was going to cum. So if you have a dick that doesn't give out the necessary clues, you need to be more verbal.

Another REALLY good way to let a guy know you are close to cumming is to at least partially withdraw your penis from the hole when you are close. By pulling back, you let him know without question that you are near to orgasm. Do this a few times, if necessary. And actually... it's hot. Delay it a few more minutes, you know? This way, then, the dude KNOWS he has you on edge. The choice remains with him if he wants to keep on sucking or jerk you off or whatever. Sometimes, though it seems not often when in a gloryhole scene, a guy will LET you pull out completely. He may make some small "jack it off" gesture near the hole, telling you he wants to watch you jerk it yourself. It's up to you, of course. Go for it, let him watch you shoot, or pack it in, zip it up, and save it for someone else.

So, gloryholes require a bit more finesse, to be sure. But you can still get the point across.

In other situations, in my own experience, I have RARELY met any guy who does NOT say when he is going to cum. Sure, some will just do it without a word or sound or any kind of indication at all, but most do NOT. Yet since I am much more often the suckee in these situations, I take it upon myself to make sure the guy knows. With a responsive dick, this isn't a problem, but even for the dudes who don't figure it out just from feeling my dick in their mouth, it is nearly impossible to second-guess based on the noises I make. And... I just ALWAYS say it. Not only do THEY like hearing it, but I like hearing it, too.

I have a buddy I sometimes run into at a certain cruising spot. He sucks me often and is very good at it. He always has me cum in his mouth, but what he does with it varies from time to time. Sometimes he swallows it, sometimes he spits it out. It's fine with me either way, though admittedly it is hot to see a guy swallow my cum. I can't disrespect his wishes, though, so I am never offended if he does not.

So yes, you need to communicate this. Try the suggestions mentioned in this thread. Don't beat yourself up over it -- accidents happen, too.

You can also use the edging signal of pulling back as a good way to teach yourself some additional control, just for fun. The more you can control it, the easier it is to communicate after a while.

paveld29 · #5 21st September 2004, 06:38 AM

Thanks to all that responded. I'll use these suggestions the next time out.

Specific200 · #6 8th October 2004, 02:12 AM

I actually have always thought that if you are sucking or getting sucked through a GH, it's cum whenever you want and be ready for it, ready or not. It's the suckers responsibility to know what he wants and know when it's coming or not.

ScruffyCub · #7 8th October 2004, 06:31 PM

You thought wrong.

cosmaz · #8 8th October 2004, 08:07 PM

I believe that is the shortest post by ScruffyCub I have ever seen.

GASlick · #9 8th October 2004, 08:37 PM

For sure the shortest post for Scruffy...........He must have had a date!

ScruffyCub · #10 9th October 2004, 06:13 PM

I had written a longer post either just before or after that one, I forget which.

My "date" was on Thursday night, though. But I DID have some general non-sexual shit to get done yesterday (ie: go to Target).

Also, the ice-cream man was outside playing "Pop Goes The Weasel" and I wanted a fudgie bar.

Specific200 · #11 10th October 2004, 03:17 AM

What I meant is that when you use a GH, whatever the guy does on the other side is pretty much a done deal. We all know cocks cum when you suck or jerk them. The one receiving, in my opinion, is responsible for his actions. His actions will make teh cock spit, and he knows this. Therefore, since one knows what will happen, one is responsible for his actions that cause the result. An exception is if you tell teh guy beforehand, through the GH or whatever, and he cums in your mouth anyway. That's called selfish and disrespectful. But hey, it's an annonymous thing. Buyer beware.

ScruffyCub · #12 10th October 2004, 05:16 PM

Your making some assumptions here, I'm afraid.

Not everyone cums every single time he shoves his dick in a gloryhole. I certainly do not. I like to extend my evening's entertainment and get sucked off repeatedly. Holding off on cumming helps with that (I don't care to spend another five or ten bucks in tokens watching movies while waiting out a refractory period between erections).

Also, there are LOTS of men who have no clue if and when a dick is going to cum. Every dick is different, too. My dick is extremely responsive -- when a guy is sucking me off, if he doesn't know me and hasn't had my dick before, he almost always thinks I'm going to cum LONG before I'm even close. Some men back off at this point, which is a personal pet peeve of mine, but I try to tell them to trust me that I'm in control whenever it's possible to communicate this. Some dicks are rock solid hard from start to finish and give ZERO indication that they are close to cumming. All of a sudden... bam. There you go.

Anonymity is relative, too. Some gloryhole scenes are more anonymous than others. Sometimes you will see the guy again AFTER the fact, milling about the area. Sometimes not. Some holes are bigger than others, allowing for more visibility and more communication.

Yet anonymity is not a good excuse to be impolite or engage in higher risk sex if that is not your bag. Some men wish to be BOTH safe AND anonymous, and we should respect those wishes.

Since we already discussed above all the many ways to signal your intent, there's no need to rehash all of that. The fact remains that even though you can't look into someone's eyes at a gloryhole, you can STILL let him know what's going on, and he can STILL let you know his desires.

What I'm saying is that a being at a gloryhole doesn't excuse us from behaving in an appropriate and respectful manner.

HOWEVER, I get what you're driving at, too. Using a gloryhole DOES imply that you are also responsible for yourself -- you may experience something that is rather obvious, even if it isn't your cup of tea and wasn't your intent.

My personal experience is that it has been divided almost perfectly evenly between men who WANT cum and men who do NOT. Admittedly, my gloryhole experience is possibly not as extensive as that of others, but I've certainly done it. Half the guys will keep on sucking even if I back off a little -- they signal to me to go for it, in whatever way they choose to signal. The other half backs off themselves, or uses their hand.

Either way, the desire and intent is perfectly clear.

PS: I was just kidding about the fudgie bar, but the ice cream man really WAS here. It's weird, he started making rounds through this apartment complex lately. And yes, he DOES play "Pop Goes The Weasel."

Specific200 · #13 10th October 2004, 10:39 PM

I still think, more simply, that if one is sucking a dick through a GH and it cums, that's one's responsibility. Dicks do that.

ScruffyCub · #14 11th October 2004, 06:12 PM

That's fine, then. Think that all you want. You seem to have a lot of strange notions regarding gloryholes as some sort of mysterious force in the Universe, perhaps something pre-Big Bang, when the laws of physics and nature didn't apply in the case of singularities.

Sex involves BOTH mutual, solitary safety and respect for yourself as well as consideration for your partner. It appears you believe that a gloryhole and a penis create some sort of inanimate sex object and that anything is fair game. Last time I checked, every penis that can become erect is usually attached to a human being. Just because that penis and the sex is anonymous doesn't mean that the guy who owns it might not have some ideas of his own which differ from yours. Likewise for the anonymous mouth.

You may change your mind someday if you cum without warning in some guy's mouth and he comes around to your side of the booth, banging on the door, really pissed off. You may have to drop a lot of tokens in hopes that he leaves, but there's no guarantee he won't be waiting for you out in the parking lot with a baseball bat.

As I said, most men seem to understand that other men's penises may cum if they suck them at a gloryhole, and they may even cum if they suck them at other places, too! Having a penis of their own to base this on, most men pretty much "get it." But that doesn't mean they feel they MUST accept semen if they don't want it. They have a "right" to suck dick at a gloryhole and NOT eat cum. In which case, most of them will jerk you off, or keep stopping if they think you are close, which is a good indication that they would like you to NOT cum in their mouth. Men who just keep going or give an alternate signal that they WANT to eat cum will do just that.

I think a whole lot of sexual confusion that ALL of us experience from time to time (myself included), comes from the fact that we often interpret our own desires to be "rules of the road." What we need to remember is that there really are NO RULES. What works for us may not work for the other guy. Anything and everything can happen at a gloryhole -- including nothing at all.

It's also EXTREMELY important to remember that you might meet a guy who is just a little bit... uh... crazy. The insane have been known to frequent cruising locations along with the rest of us. His dick or his mouth at a gloryhole... well, you won't know if he's nuts or has a really bad temper based on that alone. An insane man's dick or mouth doesn't come with a warning label.

All I'm saying is that I've met some dudes who are really whacked. Some guys get uptight about the dumbest things. Me personally... well, if a penis shot a load through a gloryhole, yes, I'd expect that and accept the blame for it myself if I didn't want it and did nothing to stop it. But not everyone uses logic on a daily basis, I'm afraid. I once told a story about a guy who threatened me with a knife because he thought I was taking photos of men having sex in the bushes. What he saw in reality was a blue-glowing flame from a butane torch lighter. SHOWING him the lighter and pointing out his error only made him more pissed off. Keep that in mind.

Have fun, don't get warts, don't get your head mashed by a baseball bat. Perhaps keep some pepper spray with you. It's up to you.

Specific200 · #15 11th October 2004, 09:26 PM

Anyone who gets pissed for a guy cumming in his mouth when they are sucking him through a GH is disturbed or living in a fantasy world, unless prior agreements have been made. Guys come to GH to get sucked and some to get sucked and cum. Given that obviousness, unless the suckers make prior agreements, I still believe that its the suckers responsibility to be ready for what happens. I've actually had guys get seriously bent because I didn't cum. That's equally inane. Put the responsibility where it belongs--back on the person purpitrating the result.