OK Here goes.

I am 40 yrs old, recently single after having a partner for 10 yrs.
I recently met a very cute and nice 25yr old. We met in a work environment, so we couldn't really have long conversations.

After a few short conversations, one of which he told me he was single. Iasked him for his number and we made a tentative date for Sunday. He said to give him a call on Friday to finalize plans. I left a message around 5 with my number.

No call as of yet, I know its only Friday night.
Do I give him another call on Saturday afternoon or do I wait to see if he calls?

If he does call, any suggestions for a fun first date?
Its been a while, sorry this sounds so lame.

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Nope, do not call him for the second time. You have kept your word and you called him. That's only fair. If he chooses to ignore it, fine. You'll have to live with it. IMHE, what the younger dudes particularly hate, is the feeling that just 'cause they said 'call me, we'll work something out', they won't be left in peace and the 'elderly guy' is now pursuing them relentlessly. Play it fair and play it cool.

Where to go? What to do? I usually try to get to know the guy, if I can, so I'd suggest something he'd enjoy. You have not had a chance, so try some basics, like couple of drinks and a dinner.

Every guy is a world for himself, so few general rules apply, but if I look back, a little generosity on my part always went a long way. One, just one of the possible reasons for a 25 year old to go out with a 40 year old might be his desire to be treated like a 'son'. So, if you go out, make sure that you pick up the first tab. Watch his reaction; if he insists on picking up the second tab or sharing the cost with you, tell him, fine, he'll do it next time, you two guys get together. I am not suggesting going overboard, but am in favor of little generosity here.

Let him tell you his story. Ask direct but not impertinent questions. Show genuine interest. Most of the young guys, I have hooked up with wanted a stable, successful guy on their side. They might have had enough of the drama with their peers and are looking for a change. So, emphasize the fact that life has been good to you and that you are now enjoying it to the fullest. Be truthful but do not make the common mistake of telling him everything about your previous relationships on the first date. Be always future-oriented.

Last but not least. Hold your ground. Say that you like him and would like to spend some time with him. But do not talk and/or act desperately. You have your plans and he has his. Sure, you both need to be flexible but make sure he understands that you do not feel like becoming a toy in his hands.

Good Luck,

KD

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Here it is monday, how did it go? Did it go at all?

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It didn't go at all. No return call. What I don't get is that he was the one who told me he was single and gave me his number. I didn't ask him. If he wasn't interested than why give out the number and make plans?

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I wouldn't sweat it, and I sure wouldn't take it personally. Many guys (and not just his age bracket) are very fluid about making or following-through on plans.

If y'all do catch up with each other, don't be (or come across as being) cross. If he offers up an explanation or excuse, be gracious. If it seems sincere and non-flaky to you, consider giving him another shot. IAE, keep it loose, non-commital, and cordial. He sure isn't the only guy out there who can make your dick flip.

BTW, where in Forest Hills? I lived on 113th & 75th Rd many moons ago.

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Thanks for the words of encouragement. Too bad the first time out of the gate sucked, but there are lots of men in NYC.
I know I will see him again, but I am not going to bring up the situation. I will say hello and conduct business as usuall. If he offers an explanation fine, but I am not going to turn this into a big drama. We will still we see each other in an occasional business setting. ( I am a customer at the place of business where he is employed. I do want want to be uncomfortable.)


Yellowstone & Burns here.

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Sorry to hear things didn't work out like you hoped UBear.

Some words of caution:

Being single and giving out numbers does not always equal mutual sexual attraction.

In your original post you said that you asked him for his number, which would explain a lot. Being a customer of his, and even if that wasn't the case, some guys don't know how to decline an invitation gracefully because they feel they'll hurt someone's feelings. So, they give the number, and even make tentative plans, just to get out of an uncomfortable situation.

If he extended his number to you, without you asking, then, he may have just changed his mind or thought better of it being the business relationship you have. Sometimes guys can get so caught up in a great exchange, with no sexual attraction, and still feel obligated to end the encounter with an exchange of phone numbers, email etc.

Keep plugging away and just be cool. Eventually, a mutual attraction will come along and you won't even have to be the first one to call.

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Hey UB

Sorry, I am not getting it right. In your original posting you said:


A bit later in the thread you are saying:


So, did you or did you not ask him for his number? This might appear to be insignificant but it isn't.

I'll second MGB on this one.

I basically never ask people for their numbers, e-mails, etc. If I see an opening, I offer mine and await the reaction. In all likelihood, if a dude is interested in meeting up afterwards, he'll offer his number in exchange. If he isn't, the buck stops there and the message is clear. Time to move on.

I also agree with CU, when he says that many guys are 'fluid' ...

The first thing about those guys is to forget them right away. 'Fluid' is fine when it applies to you and your time and your plans. 'Fluid' is disrespectful and heartless when it extends itself onto other people, their time and their plans.

I have had a most doubtful pleasure of getting to know a few of those 'fluid' guys. (They like to call themselves 'spontanious' or something.)

So, yeah, they'll like to meet you and go out with you Friday evening but they are not quite sure, yet. What if someone more desirable pops out of somewhere and offers a better deal than you do? What, if they happen not to feel like going out Friday 10 PM and their precious inner beings tell them they should stay home and watch their fav orchidea grow and blossom? So, with them, it is always, call me later, we need to finalize plans. I am still not sure, I might (just 'might') be busy, I do not know, I am expecting a call, etc., etc. ...

Frankly, with 'fluid' guys (and this does not go on to say that this apply to the guy who did not return your call), you are dealing with an egocentric, selfish creatures who lack every sense of respect for the others. Thus, 'they are fluid and they are out'.

KD

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Sorry about the confusion. Originally he gave me his number at his office, but due to the nature of the business relationship I asked him if there was a better number to reach him at because I didn't want the entire business knowing the deal(the nature of the business is not gay friendly at all.) He agreed that was a better option and gave me his cell.

Any way its all water under the bridge. Next time I am there I am going to go about business as usual so as to avoid any ackwardness.

As I can see, getting back into dating will have many ups and downs. Moving forward, things can only get better.

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If you made tentative plans for a Sunday date and he gave you his number to confirm those plans on Friday, he was obligated to return your phone call even if he had changed his mind or if he couldn't make that commitment due to circumstances beyond his control.

Common courtesy should have been demonstrated by this younger male. If you make tentative plans and you can't follow through with those plans for a variety of reasons, you are obligated to show the proper respect for the other person and at least return a phone call. Being gay or whatever is no excuse for lacking the social graces and common courtesy when it comes to dating others.

Move on and learn from this one experience.

__________________
Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. And, under a just God, cannot long retain it.

-- Abraham Lincoln

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Give the man the benefit of the doubt. Let his next actions dictate yours. Keep it professional until he makes it personal. And definitely keep yourself open to other guys.

Unsolicited dating advice: volunteer for events and causes you like. You'll run into a lot of guys who share your interests and you'll have the setting/event as a starting off point.

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