This is a spin off of the recent Zika virus thread.

This is most probably a cultural trait if anything.

Relatively few guys here (central and west Europe) confess to being married and still fooling around with other dudes.

Sure, what happened at the HS/college stayed at college, but once you got married, and sort of turned str8 for all purposes you really did not tend to go back.

Is this a noticeable phenomenon in your environment?

Thanks!

KD

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From our Reviews both on the Sex Listings and the Escort site, there's definitely some men married to women who patronize adult bookstores, bathhouses, bars, etc. or who use cruising venues. Whether this is AGAIN, a continuing thing throughout a marriage, or a new exploration I don't know.

Beyond those reviews, there are regular news reports of scandals or brouhahas involving male politicians married to women who have male lovers, who are arrested in compromising positions, or who are using apps such as Grindr, Scruff, etc. The most prominent of these I can recall in recent years were former New Jersey Democratic Governor Jim McGreevey as well as the well publicized case of former Idaho Republican Senator Larry Craig. McGreevey is now divorced and has a male partner, obtained a Master's of Divinity, and now works counseling inmates and ex-offenders. Craig is still married to his wife but appears to have disappeared from public life.

There's also cases of unmarried male politicians involved in gay scandals or rumors, but those aren't specifically relevant to your question.

For those without scandals, in the most recent years, Democratic LGBT politicians have generally in most of the US been as open about their personal lives as straight politicians. Republican LBGT politicians tend to keep it hidden until after they leave office or whatever prominent position. For my non-partisan city council in suburban Houston, an openly gay man was elected to three consecutive terms in office, only forced out by term limits. Gay issues were not part of his campaigns but everyone knew publicly he was gay and had a partner who is now his husband.

In a separate venue, there was the scandal of Pastor Ted Haggard, head of a Colorado Springs megachurch and former head of the National Association of Evangelicals. He was accused by a male escort of having sex and using crystal meth together. Haggard initially denied but later admitted to buying meth; he denied the sexual contact and parts of the story were not proved factual or unfactual. Haggard lost his job and leadership positions, went through counseling, and remains married. Later allegations from other men were revealed a few years later.

Inasmuch as similar scandals keep popping up at national, state, and local levels involving conservatives and evangelicals - Joe.My.God publicizes most of them, and he is quite political; every couple months another Republican politician seems to pop up on a hookup app - I tend to think there's a good number of ordinary non-prominent men married to women who are indeed having sex with men in some place or situation. However, trying to quantify this doesn't seem likely to produce a reliable result.

~ Bob S.

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Thanks for the reply Bob.

Yup. I am familiar with some of the scandals you have mentioned here. I also tend to believe that the scandalous part had more to do with the conservative public personae vs. their somewhat relaxed private lives than the actual nature of the sexual relationships described in pertinent reports. I guess, the scandal was about moral hypocrisy here more than anything else.

The fact that such discoveries are still being branded as scandals even if only for displaying the hypocrisy of their presumed perpetrators probably indicates that the reporters and scandal-prone media want to see married men getting sexually involved with other men as something relatively rare, and hence, being worth called 'a scandal'.

I also agree that we have no means of quantifying the phenomenon in any reliable fashion here.

I was hoping that some of the members who may be married would come up and share some of their personal insights and stories.

KD

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Much of it also has to do with political and cultural seeking to "score points" and rally their followers, I think.

I agree! First-person stories and thoughts from regular people are much more interesting than anything filtered through the media.

I hope members will keep in mind that this is an anonymous forum and that it's possible to post here without compromising your privacy. Please feel free to share here.

Your Profile Page is programmed not to come up in search engines. When this happened years ago I made programming changes for Keith which so far seem to have been effective.

Also, you can keep your contact information private on your Profile Page and reveal as much or as little as you wish. Keith and I always encouraged people to use an email address that is not the same as the one you use for other more public parts of your life.

Also, if you have privacy concerns, please don't post photos of yourself that may possibly identify you. That was how the most recent app-related outings happened.

If you'd like to share your personal story but have privacy concerns I haven't addressed, please send me a Private Message and I'll reply as soon as I can.

~ Bob S.

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My information is totally observational -

Ranging from ABS where you see a lot of wedding rings (far from scientific proof, but...) to the numerous posts here, on CL and other "hook up" sites where you often see "My wife is out of town for 2 days...."

When there have been guys where I got to know them a bit better many of them have talked about how they may have "fooled around" as kids but gave it up when they got a girlfriend because "I am not gay" but now years later still think about those days.

I have also had one guy tell me how if he was growing up today - with the current level of acceptance - he would probably be gay - but when he was young that "was not an option".

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I was having precisely the same conversation couple of months ago with a guy whom I have known purely as a service supplier all these years. Since we have known each other for some 12 years now, we are trying to be sort of 'friends' not because we really are but because we think that this creates a good impression on the others.. I admit, I was taken aback by his informal confession over drinks before a business dinner.

Strange enough, he was perfectly comfortable with openly admitting that he was a conformist, and had really no regrets about it whatsoever. Those were the different times... These days he would be doing it very differently...

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It would be cool to get a a few more first-person stories here for those of us who simply are curious/inquisitive, and would love to know. None of us here is running any scientific study, and all we can hope for are observational findings, as John pointed out.

KD

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