Hey.

Something has been eating me alive and I have to ask for your opinions. So there is this guy around, seems cool, interesting, smart, sexy, bla bla bla.

We have only had contact online and we are supposed to meet next month. I am happy with myself and all that crap, but this guy seems to be a major player and Im not sure how to go about dealing with this. The strange thing is that (exculding the player factor) he seems to match up with what I am looking for. Sure, no stress. In the end, if there is chemistry than great, if not than who cares.

Now, the question is: How can you tell if someone just wants a lay or if they are open to something more serious?

Lets not be too naive...if they ask about you and your life it does not mean that they are genuinely intersted. This can be a perfect stategy to make you think that they are interested and than two hours later you are being ushered towards the door with cum dripping down your face.

Im guessing that the key is to not put out and than if he is interested than he will call back. Yes/no?

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You joined CFS today just to submit this question?

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Thanks for the welcome. I joined the site to check out the message board. You responded just to tell me this?

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Your idea to not put out would probably weed out most, if not all "nsa" guys. It might also put off a lot of guys who would be willing to entertain the idea of a relationship as well.

What do you mean by "not put out" exactly? I mean, how much will you be holding in? You don't want to be a tease, that would put off most anyone.

I think Sensual Guy was making the point that this is called Cruising for Sex, not Cruising for Romance. If he wasn't making that point it was certainly what I was thinking. I personally don't see being ushered out the door with cum dripping down my face as a terrible way to end a night.

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hehehe....this is true

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K, you have been having one month worth of an on-line friendship and though he is 'a major player', he has had the patience to wait for a whole month before meeting up live. If I am getting it right, he is interested alright. What is he interested in? An ONS, a buddy kind of bond, or an all-encompassing relationship? No one can really know that, including 'Mr. Major Player' here. Just like most guys, he is keeping all of his options open. And so should you. Not everybody is a relationship material, no matter how hard you and he may try, so there is little wisdom is setting your goals in stone and denying him and you some healthy and possibly memorable pleasure, simply because he may not fit into your present mould.

So, should you get down to business right away, so to speak? Unfortunately, there is no universal answer to your question. Some guys would go for a guy, who plays 'hard to get' and the others would just stop and drop it there. Just like you cannot decide what his ultimate goals are, he has no ways of knowing what kind of guy you are.

Take it one step at a time. Meet up the guy and decide, if you are interested and let him decide, if he is interested, to start with. Keep in mind that online friendships do not usually quite truly reflect the real state of affairs in real life.

Follow your instinct. There is no other and no better way around this. If your feeling tells you to go for it..., you are getting the picture, aren't you?

Last but not least. Be who you are. If you tend to be a sexually very active person, who loves messing around and who usually has no qualms about it, stay true to yourself. You will come across as more genuine that way. Pretending to be someone else but yourself is not only wrong, it is usually very counterproductive. Have you ever heard of a guy who says, he likes 'fakes'?


KD

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you're right, following what you feel is the best logic. faking something is not even an option, its not worth the effort or the time. anyways, if he is as hot as he is making himself seem to be than a night of good fun is not a bad alternative.

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Welcome LesterBB ;-

Why do you think he's a player?

Other than that, just go with it. As much as we'd like to think we have a list of pre-requisites for a partner, it's really all about chemistry. If I look back at my serious relationships, my partners have been all over the map in terms of what I think my "ideal" mate is and a couple of those relationships have spawned out of a "no strings hook up" at first.

So, if you're hot for him, go meet him on that premise and if there's something more there, you'll both feel it and act accordingly.

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I don't get it.

Haven't you simply ASKED him what he's looking for?

In my own personal online experiences, the vast majority of guys are pretty much upfront about what their intentions are; at least to the extent that men seeking JUST sex make that clear enough. Seems like more guys who advertise themselves as seeking love and relationships and dating ALSO sometimes hit up the occasional cruiser for some casual sex, too -- even if they want something more intimate, they still sometimes just want to get off, which is fine, of course.

I always make it abundantly clear that I want sex only and/or a casual "buddy" for repeat encounters. Yet I STILL get bombarded now and then with questions from guys who want to ask me out on a date, invite themselves over to spend the night, or who become obnoxiously obsessed with whining to me about how they miss waking up next to another man, etc.

What have YOU advertised YOURSELF as seeking? What YOU solicit online will have an impact on WHO contacts you. Though as above, it IS true that many guys will ignore whatever you say -- but most seem to get the picture. What has HE advertised as his desire? You say he's a player -- are you defining that for yourself or has he told you that he is?

Personally, I'd just meet him and see where it goes. Prepare yourself to be let down -- it happens often. But don't go into it with a bad attitude. But firstly -- I'd ASK the guy what he wants.

Caution: if you start hitting him up with serious questions about relationships and life goals and future plans... you might scare the shit out of him. I know I sure as hell tend to run away fast when dudes talk to me online for a short time and suddenly start hinting around that they are looking for a life-partner.

I've had WAY too many experiences talking with dudes online for weeks on end, off and on, and then finding out later when we meet that the chemistry is simply not there -- for sex or anything else. Or worse: finding out that the guy blatantly lied about something I consider crucial, whatever that might be for whatever circumstance is at hand.

I think playing hard to get is a BAD idea -- withholding sex gets you nowhere these days. In fact, I'd go so far as to call it childish and just plain silly. Please re-think that option.

This does NOT mean that you MUST have sex with the guy. We are all entitled to say NO. But if you plan ahead that you are going to be a cock-tease -- that's not cool.

WHAT are you two planning on doing when you actually meet? Is a date arranged? Dinner and a movie and drinks? Or is this meeting strictly for sex or just a casual means of saying hello in person and taking it from there? WHY has it taken you so long to meet in person? Does he live far from you, or are you two just still doing the online chat thing?

And again, most importantly... WHAT has he told you about himself?

PS: Men have been asking for ALL sorts of advice here on CFS. Your question does not need to be about cruising ONLY. We've discussed relationships many times -- so ask anything you want to ask.

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I agree. Just go with it and have some fun.


Welcome back Scruff!

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