John and I have been exchanging views on our college days sexperience. We touched down on the subject of some dudes 'growing up out of it', getting GFs and living str8 lives for better or worse.

I saw a similar thing happening within the gay context in those days, too.

Though web based porn did not exist in our time and day, all the guys I met were street wise. They may or may have not had sex at the time I met them but virtually everyone knew the mechanics of it. No doubt, a stash of porn was not that difficult to get by, and the VHS cassettes provided easy and relatively cheap way of disseminating porn among the friends.

Guys were perpetually horny, and everybody was looking for sex. You went to college to have some life after all the limitations of the HS.

Yet, relatively few guys knew if they wanted to top or bottom or go versatile; give BJ or receive them. The attitude was to get together and have sex, or start viewing yourself as someone who was either good for nothing or someone who was missing on the big chunk of fun out there. I'd venture to say that the virginity card was at a very low value in those days.

The basic default was that a 'bigger' dude topped a 'smaller' dude. Though, there were a few notable exceptions among the guys.

Dudes who were more clueless than the the others, less connected and integrated, new in town/school mostly ended up being bottoms unless the size of their endowment and/or the preference of the dude(s) they hooked up dictated otherwise.

I started topping because the very first guy I had hooked up with was smaller than me, and he wanted me to top him. Sure, I never looked back, and have stayed that way throughout life.

Yet, few bottom dudes started looking around, and were keen on exploring other possibilities.

Every fall, a new crop of freshmen would hit the town. The frogs were new, inexperienced, had no friends, were horny and willing to try anything. This is how some of the known bottom dudes got to top, too.

Some liked it. Some did not. A few of the dudes who started enjoying the topping part soon 'grew up on being bottoms', and started spending more time with the newbies who they were topping.

A dude whom I was topping with quite some regularity for two years told me one evening that he started topping, too. And wow, this was so much fun, and he loved it. He would still bottom for me, for the sake of good ole times, but made it abundantly clear that he changed his preference.

Since we really liked each other and connected on more levels than just sex, we stayed in touch, and developed a hang for the threesomes with the two of us usually spitroasting another dude. After a few such encounters, my FB showed renewed interest in bottoming for me again. He also made it clear that he was doing it under the condition of total discretion, too. The other guys were not supposed to know, since he was not into bottoming for anyone else.

I discovered a passion for topping dudes who just topped other dudes, and our friendship continued for a while.

KD

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Not as much in college because by then you were a bit older and had more life experience - but back in Jr High and High School there were a lot of guys that experimented and then moved on.

Girls were brought up to value their virginity - it was something special to be saved and given out only to that magical first love.

Guys were walking hard ons - we wanted to loose our virginity as fast as possible - or at least get our rocks off.

Games like strip poker or truth or dare always led to being naked and usually getting off together - but it was never considered gay sex.

I find it so funny all the talk about them accepting gay Boy Scouts. When I went to scout camp there was more masturbation and fooling around there than in a bath house! But yet we all felt it was just getting off - not gay sex.

Most of it was viewed almost like they do in the Navy, prisons, etc. - it was opportunity sex - they were not having sex with a guy because they wanted sex with a guy - it was just what was available at a time and age when the girls were not wanting to put out.

Most of it was masturbation or blow jobs - this was for practical reasons - those could be done quickly and anywhere - less chance of getting caught. But also it was because that was considered "just getting off" if you fucked or kissed - that implied real sex - and real GAY sex - and the kissing implied an emotional connection. And in both cases at those ages we were trying to convince ourselves that we were not gay - we were only doing this because it was our only option. With some of guys it clearly was more - but with the stigma of being "a homo" no one wanted to go there.

Sometimes it was a one time thing - others it might go on for months and months - but with many of these guys eventually either the girlfriend started to put out or they began to feel guilty about doing something "wrong" and they stopped.

If it was a friend where sex was the only real thing you have in common - the friendship faded. If you were friends where sex was just part of what you did sometimes the friendship continued and you just did not talk about the fact you used to have sex. We both knew it - sometimes you looked at each other and you both knew what you were thinking - but you put it in the past and moved on in order to remain friends.

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When I was discovering my homosexuality, I had no idea of top/bottom and I was put off by anal, though others saw me as more feminine, therefore assumed I was bottom. However, my first boyfriend was 100% bottom. He did all the sucking and insisted I fuck him at every single sex session. So I did. Since then there's been no turning back. Now I only top. In oral I would only be sucked, unless we're doing 69. It helps that I'm big. But it's strange that one set of events way back in my younger days did set the course of history, so to speak.

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I can only agree with you. Unless you started in a very structured environment where most dudes knew their roles, and would stick with them, it would be inevitably a sheer coincidence that would make you a top or bottom. The good side of the sex DL is that you could always go and explore other roles, if you wanted to. There would be no one to know or stop you from doing so.

In more structured environments changing roles required a bit more effort, and may be facing more than just a sheer lack of enthusiasm on the part of the other player with their vested interests.

KD

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When my curiosity about having sex with men started, I immediately knew I was going to be a bottom. So when I exchanged emails with my first NSA, I stated that I liked being a bottom, but I never told him it was my first time. So when I met him in his semi-truck, I felt so comfortable with that 'role' that i had no problem sucking his cock and taking him in my ass. It felt so natural, and I was really good at sucking his dick.

I don't think I'll ever be a top though. Now I've been experimenting with 'thinking as a woman' while I'm with a man. Its so sexy when he treats me like one too.

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I believe that this is the default narrative if there really is one.

A dude who chooses to bottom must have done some thinking, soul-searching, etc., beforehand. Bottoming involves a bit more preparation, and yeah, it pre-supposes that you'd be doing something that is not a mere male default of putting your cock in wet hole, doing some thrusting in there, hoping that the other guy will like it, and that both you and he will get your rocks off.

I see no reason for someone who is perfectly happy with his role to consider changing it. True, nothing is written in stone these days, and there are quite a few bottoms I have met over the years who are happy to change sides either occasionally or for good, but IMHE, these guys are more of an exception than a rule.

Until relatively recently, even a few gay guys would happily get involved into 'bottom shaming'. Some of it still persists today but, by and large, this phenomenon is a matter of the past.

There is a sort of pretty wide-reaching consensus out there that a dude does what he feels works for him best.

KD

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