Thought maybe I would share a couple that I came across.

One said:
Another said:
Any one find any others that might be fun

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Corey

Not as innocent as one might think

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So far, the best had nothing to do with gay, bi, hetero. But just on the surface, if I may say so.

'Well-known and established Legal Office specialized in Corporate Services looking for the Team's Secretary:

Age: 18-21, with a long-term experience, postgraduate degree, multilingual to polyglot."

Gee, I am sure they got so many applications, they are still reading them.

===

The ones you quoted are just beautiful examples of where the society goes, once we all agree that 'everything goes' and that each and every individual is ahhh, so very special...

KD

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Though I don't have time right now to browse the ads and cite humorous examples, I most certainly do read them for the entertainment value.

Yet by the same token I frequently go for long periods of time without browsing the ads BECAUSE of some of the ludicrous stuff I find in them.

I guess it depends on my mood: am I able to feel bemused and laugh at that which is outrageous, or am I more likely at the moment to get annoyed with pretentious pipe-dreams?

Seems like there are three different, popular trends when it comes to online ads:

1) Specificity beyond all reason: "I am looking for a white male, age 23 to 31, clean shaven, at least five foot nine but no taller than six foot, with dark hair, blue eyes, five to seven inch dick, virgin ass, size 9 to 11 shoe (no larger, no smaller), boy-next-door look, straight acting but who enjoys the gay scene, must be Protestant or Episcopalian, light to moderate body hair, must have all his wisdom teeth still in place and must also have his tonsils, should enjoy beer and wine but not mixed drinks or hard liquors, non-smoker but a little crystal meth on weekends is OK, no Ab and Fitch guys but Eddie Bauer is good, must not have a cat or capuchin monkey as I am allergic to them.

2) Generalization which surpasses comprehension: "Let's fuck at my place this weekend while my wife and live-in mother-in-law are out of town. Email me. I don't have a photo. I want to fuck you raw." (No personal information included whatsoever.)

3) Fakes, flakes and closet-cases: "I have never had sex with a man and I'm very, very, very nervous about it. I think I might throw up if I got close to an erect penis, but I can't stop thinking about how much I want to suck one of those. I need a gentle, kind, compassionate and PATIENT man to teach me the ropes. What I mean by this is that I have no intention of ever meeting you nor anyone else, but I want you to send me at least half a dozen hopeful emails so I can masturbate while reading them before I chicken out and close my Hotmail account and you never hear from me again. Won't that be fun?"

For entertainment purposes -- the ads are great. For getting your dick off -- eh. Not so much.

I've had luck with meeting exactly ONE man that was genuine (and a hot cocksucker, too) from online ads in all the years I've been cruising the net. EVERY other time I've tried I've gotten absolutely nothing for my efforts -- or ended up meeting a goof. This includes both responding to and placing ads of my own.

I think a lot of dudes place ads believing that they can state their ultimate fantasy and it will come true because this is, after all, THE INTERNET, and magic happens here -- or something. Or else they believe they can say practically NOTHING in their ads but will STILL get their fantasy to come true ALSO because this is THE INTERNET and magic happens here. The flakes, fakes and closet cases... well, we already know whey THEY'RE here.

Chat rooms are full of the same bullshit, but at least it's easier to weed out the nut-jobs in a shorter time-frame which does not usually include having to send emails back and forth for a couple weeks. Chat rooms also tend to have about a hundred dudes hanging out at any given time so there are more opportunities to blow off the assholes and find a guy who is SERIOUS about getting down and dirty RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

I get a lot of action from chat rooms, but I have to say... I always enjoy face to face cruising much more. LATELY... it's been OUTSTANDING. I tried local area gay chat while here in Buffalo and found the same, tired scene as back home. But at least here there are lots of bookstores for me to haunt. I am happy to report that I have not had to jerk off even ONCE since I got here, which is great because jerking off in your parents' home is just kind of creepy. I have only left a bookstore one time without getting any sex and this was because I couldn't find a single dude I was into even a little bit. But every other time... well, it hasn't been a problem.

I DO wish CFS would consider restructuring the online ads back to a simpler browsing method. I really don't like the overly-organized system which is now in place. I'd love to look at the ads again at my leisure -- scroll down a single column, read the headlines, etc. Just wanted to mention that.

Have a good holiday, guys.

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The funniest one I have come across so far has been at the Men4SexNow site. Paraphrasing of course but this is basicly what it said:

"Mid 20's body builder with bigger than average dick, not looking to hook up for sex, just to make new friends."

Rather like walking into a christian book store and asking for the newest copy of Playgirl. You're kinda in the wrong place!!!

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How about this one currently appearing in the Los Angeles Forum ?

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I actually wonder if these people actually read what they write? Here is the one I saw today
The only thing I can understand here is Your pic for mine / no pic= delete. Even that is somewhat contrary to his statements.

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Corey

Not as innocent as one might think

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I hate to sound too harsh but people seem to be getting more stupid and/or illiterate as every year passes by. Maybe in my old age I'm just not tolerating stupidity as much as I used to.

I'm no Einstein by any means but some people are so fuckin stupid.

My favorite ads are the "str8 guy ads"..... "I'm not gay, I just like to have sex with men".

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Ads in signature lines here on CFS can be pretty entertaining also. I have seen some that stand out, especially if paired with the guy's post.

At one time, in a safe sex discussion, one poster had claimed he practiced safe sex to the extreme, but his signature line basically described how he wanted to be the bareback cum bucket king in a sling at the next opportunity.

I know of a guy on one of the state forums decry in his posts all the unsafe activities he encounters, yet is an active bareback bottom at the local theatre. He also posts ads elsewhere declaring his enjoyment of bareback sex and is looking for bb'ing partners.

Locally, I can find the same guys posting ads here, on Yahoo, on Sqwert, and a couple other places. After a while, you can pick out who is whom by the text of the ad. It can be funny to see how their ads differ by site. If you start counting ads, some guys start to seem a tad desperate, lonely, or both.

I also like the ads where the guy says he is "muscular" and gives chest, arms, thigh measurements etc., yet leaves out the tiny detail that his gut is his biggest measurement of all.

Ads of tops showing only their ass and ads of bottoms not showing their ass puzzle me. I would think tops would want to show their cock off to reel in prospective bottoms and bottoms would want to show prospective tops what they have to offer. Ah, but that's just me.

"Versatile, top-only" and "versatile, bottom-only" --what? Maybe I am reading these wrong, but versatile means to me the guy is open to both situations. I guess that these fellows only hook up with the "top-no anal" and "bottom-no anal" guys. At the same time, they'd probably not want a thing to do with the "versatile-no anal" guys at all.

Then there is the "I don't have a pic, you can't have a pic of me, but guys with no pics-- don't reply". With digital equipment so readily available these days, I am beginning to think anyone who doesn't have a pic to trade has something about themselves they wish to hide.

The poor relative of the no-pic guy is the "my pic is not recent, but still accurate" guy. Like hell it is. Someone needs to tell the bloke that any pic over a year old is not accurate unless he's Dorian Gray. And usually the guy thinks his looks are on par with the "Before" Dorian, but they are really closer to the "After" Dorian.

Pictures in ads can be a hoot all by themselves. I have seen some self-described 8-inchers who must own some mighty small rulers. Or perhaps they are confusing the metric side of the ruler with the correct side.

And the line "am X age, but look X-5 (or more)." That is usually the tipoff to add to their age whatever number they subtract and then some. The face shots of these guys usually can give the mummy nightmares.

How about the guys who don't have a place, don't want to meet in a public place, can't meet at your place, and don't really have any time soon they can be available. At the same time they post that they want someone with staying power, doesn't just shoot and run, and who has time for more than just a quickie and who is readily available. For what???

I especially find fascinating the "I want to lick your pits, rim your ass, eat your cock and balls, suck your nipples, and give you a tongue bath but no kissing" guys. Are they afraid of gingivitis? Or if they happened to kiss a guy it might mean they are gay? All the activities they are willing to do don't mean a thing, but one kiss and there's no turning back, I guess.

How about the "I am into nearly every fringe fetish imaginable but no weirdos need reply". Boggles the imagination what they might consider weird.

At one time, I relied solely on ads for my hookups. But it seemed that I spent all my time working out details and very little time hooking up. Now, I concentrate on the local ABS. I can quickly tell if a guy wants to hook up and I end up with both quality and quantity.

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I stopped referring to myself as Gay many years ago after meeting one of the very few homosexuals who survived the Nazi concentration camps during WWII and his subsequent reincarceration in a German prison under Paragraph 175 of the German Penal Code. Since then, I have always referred to myself as a homosexual out of respect to honor those who perished in the concentration camps and those who suffered the indignity of being reincarcerated in German prisons after surviving the Nazi concentration camps.

Today, almost 60 years since the liberation of the Nazi concentration camps, I am reminded again why my homosexual identity is very important and not a trivial matter despite the fact we (homosexuals) are 2nd Class citizens.

Here we are poking a little fun at some of the ADs people have posted at this website and elsewhere. Some of us have said that the labels (gay, straight, bi, etc.) are not important today in 2005. Want to know something? You are absolutely correct. The labels of gay, straight, or bi are not important ... so long as you don't have a history of having been a concentration camp survivor or suffered the indignity of being reincarcerated in prison after being "liberated" from the concentration camps.

But, here we are in 2005 and we are still 2nd Class citizens just because we are homosexuals. We, the beneficiaries of the Post-World War II generation, are still awaiting our "liberation" so that we (homosexuals) may become First Class citizens just like everyone else. Whatever current label you are using today, let us not lose sight of the fact our homosexual identity is not a trivial matter. It wasn't a trivial matter for those who perished in the Nazi concentration camps or for those who survived the camps only to be reincarcerated in another prison after being liberated.

There is honor, respect and dignity in our homosexual identity. We still await our own liberation so that we can enjoy the same rights and priviledges as 1st Class citizens just like everyone else.

__________________
Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. And, under a just God, cannot long retain it.

-- Abraham Lincoln

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uhhhhhhhhhhhhh, OK. Thanks for sharing.

At the risk of taking this thing a little more OT I have to say, I for one do not think of myself as a second class anything. My sexuality is a part, and a very small part at that, of who I am. It does not define who I am. I am not one of those flamming gay activist who feel they have to shove their sexuality done other people throats. I hate ANY person that does that be it the overzealous Christian making snide comments as I walk in an ABS or the overacting flamer who insists that I "support my family" in their political antics. I have many other aspects of myself that help make up the whole of who I am.

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Just like BMG, I feel nothing but the deepest respect, admiration and sympathy for all those who have unjustly suffered in the concentration camps, prisons, torture chambers of the totalitarian regimes throughout the time and around the globe. We certainly owe them debt of gratitude which can never really be repaid since many of our daily freedoms are directly or indirectly results of the worst human suffering they had gone through.

I would also agree with anyone who claims that there are many countries where gays/homosexuals still suffer and are truly second class citizens, if not worse.

Yet, I do not see gays/homosexuals as second class citizens in any of the modern societies of Europe or America. I do see clear or not-so-clear cases of discrimination, though. I also see various forms of discrimination directed at virtually everyone, at some places, sometimes. Unfortunately, much of the societal life has to do with hierarchical structures and once you start establishing such hierarchies, you are actually discriminating, one way or the other. Discrimination is an inherent phenomenon in all societies. Yet, a systematic pattern of discrimination that would lead us to believe that a gay man in America or in Europe today is a second class citizen simply does not emerge.

Which brings us to yet another relevant issue: how would you describe someone who, not being a second class citizen, happens to be well, a first class citizen?

IMHO, this is largely an economic issue within the framework of modern societies. Rest assured that a very flaming queen in his red Ferrari gets far less discriminated against than a hard-working, heterosexual John Doe, who is struggling to make his ends meet, once he paid his mortgage and the proverbial dental bills. Societies that are largely defined by the affluency of its populations discriminate against the poor in favor of the affluent. The poor can still (or rather they believe they can) afford ideology of any kind. The affluent equate their ideology with their balance sheets.

We have been experiencing the rise of unemployment in Central Europe over the few years now. Employers clearly discriminate against women, because they may get pregnant and enjoy huge social benefits, adding to the labor cost of their respective enterprises. On the other hand, employers favor single men, since the absence of family duties, sick children, etc., work towards the much sought after reduction of the aforementioned labor costs. Obviously, being discriminated against when it comes to employment these days is a serious matter.

I agree with Marvin that being gay or homosexual with most of us represents a very limited aspect of who we really are. That might have not been important under the specific historical and social circumstances but it is decisive here and today.

KD

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I certainly have sympathy for those that suffered in concentration camps, prisons and torture cambers too but I don't get the connection between their suffering and our daily freedoms.

I agree with Marvin that who I am is a lttle more complex than just being homosexual. Homosexuality to me is like being left handed or having blue eyes instead of brown. It ain't no big deal and I don't feel like a second class citizen because of it.

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Poor Corey!

We always fuck up his threads!

I have to include myself in that, too -- I've turned the conversation around in different directions a few times. For some reason, it always seems to be Corey's threads where this happens rather often. Maybe he should consider it a compliment; his topics spur synchronistic thought patterns and stimulated synapses...

Yeah, OK... that's a leap, but it was kind of funny.

Since we are on the topic of labels and identity, I may as well say something, too:

To my way of thinking, it is our own individual INNER PEACE AND HAPPINESS that matters most.

I find myself agreeing (as usual) with GWT: for me, being gay is like having green eyes or a hairy chest or any number of things that are not directly controlled by making personal decisions. I am who I am.

I often find myself disagreeing with the way others "handle" their own sexuality. I am also not a fan of "in your face" activism nor do I fully comprehend queenish theatrics and flamboyant affectations. I disassociate myself from these types of behavior and political attitudes because I do not wish to live my life in that way (nor would I be even remotely capable of doing so). I try my best to view the world as objectively as I can while at the same time understanding when I insert my own subjective views into any given situation (I think that's about all anyone can do). This is what makes ME happy. Therefore, if OTHERS are happy by being who THEY are, even if their behavior is unappealing to me, so be it. As long as they aren't hurting anyone else -- they can "act" in any way they want to act.

It's important to be happy with who you are -- and that's a simple statement with profound implications for all of us.

Everyone deals with their sexuality in a different way. Even straight folks have to "deal" with their sexuality. Just because MOST of the world is straight doesn't mean that all straight people have no sexual issues at all. Sexuality is a HUGE part of life and can be very confusing, especially in cultures where sexual development throughout history has been stigmatized.

If some gay folks "deal" with their sexuality by bonding in activist groups or by displaying "in your face" behavior -- that's fine. They are doing what they need to do in order to cope. At least this is my belief. Strength in numbers, peer bonding, all of that. Other gay folks feel safer in some sort of closet. Still others just live their lives and whatever will be will be (no Doris Day jokes, please).

To attach all of this to the topic at hand is easy -- we see examples of ALL different types of behaviors and means of coping with sexual identity in the PERSONAL ADS.

Clearly, you guys can see that for yourselves and I need not cite case by case examples. We've all read the ads and have discerned for ourselves that this or that person who is posting an ad is probably or possibly this or that TYPE of person. It's easy to tell a closet case from a flamboyant homosexual when reading an ad -- at least MOST of the time it is. The internet provides plenty of opportunity for mind-games and imagined personas, as we also all know.

BMG has oft-spoke of gays as being "second-class citizens." I sure cannot speak FOR him, but it was always my understanding that what he is saying is that we are PERCEIVED and TREATED as such by many other members of society world-wide and in various cultures. I do NOT believe he is saying we ARE, in fact, second-class citizens by our own doing or that we should FEEL as though we are. I always thought he was discussing our imposed societal role -- or at the very least the imposed societal role that is attempted to be placed upon us by those who DO view us as "lesser" human beings.

To an extent, I agree with this. We ARE treated differently far more often than we should be. There are, without question, those who see us as filthy, degenerates, perverts -- even equating us with animals (gay marriage: "next thing someone will want to marry a goat or a horse").

In my own personal life, I find very little need to "cope" with my sexuality in any specific way. Though I guess I DO "cope" just by being myself, if you want to define my behavior in that way, although I personally do not. I just live my life as I always have lived my life. I don't face some of the challenges that some other gay people must face on a day to day basis. I am not "flaming" and not easily discernible as being gay when I'm out in public. In this way, I cannot truly understand what it is like for those who ARE obviously gay. I imagine they must face many challenges that I do not. So I can't berate them for dealing with their lives in whatever way they see fit; nor should they berate me for living my own life as I see fit. Right?

Live and let live. Be happy. Be YOURSELF.

And learn to write better personal ads, for crying out loud!

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In America, as well as in other so-called Western societies, citizenship is either a birth right or achieved by a process of naturalization according to the laws of that nation. As such, citizenship means having full rights.

What is meant by full rights is not commonly understood by everyone. Article VI of the United States Constitution establishes the supremacy of the Constitution. Referred to as the supremacy clause, it declares that all federal laws take precedence over concurrent state laws. Put another way, any local or state law that contradicts federal law is considered unconstitutional -- and unenforceable. Federal laws that are parallel to state laws are said to "pre-empt" state law, or take precedence over it.

If homosexuals enjoyed the "full rights" protection of all their civil rights and liberties under the Constitution, the states could not prohibit or ban homosexuals from marrying each other because of the supremacy clause (Article VI) of the Constitution. The "full faith and credit clause" of Article IV to the Constitution establishes the relationship among the states. This is a key doctrine of our government. It mandates the states respect each other's laws, legal decisions, and records, such as driver's license, marriage proceedings, divorce records, and the like.

While there has been much debate and speculation about whether the states may prohibit or ban same-sex or homosexual marriages, the national debate over which clause to our Constitution takes precedence should be less ambiguous. IMHO, the "full faith and credit clause" of Article IV is less ambiguous than the "supremacy clause" of Article VI and, therefore, would affirm the right of homosexuals to marry each other. The key doctrine here, under the "full faith and credit clause" of Article IV, takes precedence not only over state law but also becomes the supreme law of the land -- absent an amendment to the Constitution.

It doesn't matter if a person doesn't feel like a second class citizen because if you are a homosexual, you don't have the full rights and liberties enjoyed by all other citizens. Not having the full rights and liberties enjoyed by all other citizens has meant and still means we, as homosexuals, are second class citizens. Full rights and liberties means having the same or equal rights and liberties that other citizens enjoy. It also means we, as homosexuals, are entitled to the very same or equal Constitutional protections of civil rights and liberties enjoyed by other citizens. If we were first class citizens, there would be equity in the law and in the Constitutional protections of our civil rights and liberties.

Our homosexual identity is not a trivial matter. Our civil rights and liberties are not a trivial matter. As citizens, we are entitled to the full rights of citizenship; anything less is unacceptable because it violates the implied principle of equity in the law and undermines the fundamental basis of our American system of government: Freedom.

__________________
Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. And, under a just God, cannot long retain it.

-- Abraham Lincoln

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I think people are having some fun on these boards. Better put a stop to it immediately ;-)

All of the political and historical commentaries are correct, valid and need to be acknowledged, however, I refuse to walk around with the weight of the world on my shoulders and let it interfere with some superficial banter that's just guys fucking around with no harm being done. Seriously guys, we go from talking about some ridiculous, meaningless ads on the internet to gays in the concentration camps? This is the part about activism that I can't stand. While I completely support the agenda of homosexuals in the pursuit of equality, there's a time and place to assert the agenda, on a CFS board in this particular column isn't where I'd put the effort in for that.

I mean no disrespect, but this kind of thing reminds me of some guys I know who can never let their guard down about anything and no matter what you say you'll be called to the mat for it and that's not so fun to be around when you have to watch every word.

As for the original posting, the ad's that crack me up the most are one's with face pics that claim discretion is a must. Go figre ;-)

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