The STR8 guys forum is dead, and I saw the other thread on ABS here. This is related, though not quite the same, so I wanted to start a new thread.

I am 36 years old and have been married for six years. I've been cruising since I was 19 though. The way that I even learned about the whole scene was through the bathroom wall in college (pre-internet obviously ). Through the years, I've probably recevied more than 300 blowjobs and have come to be a bit of a conniseur.

At first, I would cruise public scenes that I saw listed here, but got busted once at a public bathroom. Now I only cruise ABS.

I think I am pretty sure in my sexuality. What I mean by that is, I don't find men attractive. I never think- oh there's a hot guy. BUT, clearly, I don't mind getting sucked off by a man. Is there a difference here or am I fooling myself?

No one in my life has ANY idea, no one. But boy, if I am traveling somewhere, you'd better believe that I check the listings on CFS. As a result, I've hooked up in most major cities.

I think I like the ABS scene for one reason: For the cheap price of $3-$5, I can get a pretty good blowjob, something I love. I've been known to fuck a few of the more fem types I've met, but that is rare.

It sort of crystalized for me last summer when I was in the ABS in my hometown. It was a Monday morning, the deadest time of all, but the only time I had to go. Through sheer luck, I ran into a swinging couple back in the arcade. This chick was HOT. So she wanted to blow me while he rhusband did her from behind.

By far this was my best ABS experience ever, but it made me realize, if I COULD get this service from women, I would. But I can't since 90 percent of women are not wired that way.

So I'll leave it to my guys in the ABS. Though with age, I've become much more discriminating. Not so much on the basis of looks, but talent. If I am getting a BJ that is just so-so, or even bad, I'll stop it, nicely thank the person, and be out of there waiting for a better one.

What do ya'll think of this attitude? About right? Hypocritical? In need of adjustment? Feedback por favor.

obligatory quick, hot story: While on vacation last month at the beach in NC, I went to a bookstore that I read about. The only time I could get away was first thing Saturday morning when the place opened up. Knowing it would probably be dead, I still tried it out.

Sure enough, I was the first, and only one in there. The overhead lights were still on in the arcade. The clerk came through once to apologize. The way it was set up, there was an outer door that people got buzzed through, so the clerk would know if someone was coming.

On his NEXT trip through, he stopped and asked me "Whatcha watching". I knew where this was going and said- "I watch it all, gay, straight, you name it". Sure enough, he grabs my crotch and pulls my cock out right there.

I step out of my shorts in the middle of the arcade and he gives me a great blow job with no one else around. Good times.

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Only three-hundred blowjobs? I'm well into the thousands. This freaks out my straight female friend... she thinks I'm an utter pig. She's right, of course, but I don't let her know that.

Just teasing. I can relate with you about being picky when it comes to not-so-practiced cocksuckers -- I'll put an end to the encounter and walk away, too.

Your post isn't really so much about the ABS scene, though it is obvious that it is a sexual stimulating environment for you. I agree: I have even had dreams of enjoying myself in bookstores and then waking up to the rotten reality that there are no such places to go here in Jax.

The fact that you are possibly questioning your sexual preferences and asking if you are fooling yourself is what is of concern to you, obviously. You have asked for opinions on this and yet I hesitate because my experience with straight guys is that they tend to get defensive about the myriad of possibilities that exists when sexual preference is questioned.

The bottom line is that only YOU will ultimately determine what you wish to believe about yourself. It doesn't matter what WE think -- but we CAN tell you some facts based on our experience as well as some recently gathered scientific data.

To my knowledge, there were two studies conducted regarding bisexuality -- one quite a long time ago, one just recently. BOTH of these studies contain room for plenty of dispute, just like EVERY SINGLE STUDY ever conducted -- so take the results with a grain of salt...

But... 90% of men who identified themselves as bisexual, when shown sexual images of straight and gay sex, responded either most strongly or ONLY responded to the gay sex. Many of these men identified themselves as 50-50, liking both sexes equally. Yet their physiological response (erection) was driven by images of male to male sex.

Do whatever you want with that information. It is just ONE recent study (but it made a few headlines, not that this means anything) and it had a relatively small core sample group from which the data was collected.

But many of us gay guys tend to jump on that kind of thing. You have to understand the REASON why we kind of sometimes laugh at men who frequent bookstores day in and day out and yet continually claim they are straight: many of us GAY guys lived through a period of denial or sexual questioning ourselves. Therefore, we often feel that just because WE went through this phase it must mean that EVERYONE who follows the same behavior patterns is ALSO in denial or is confused.

When I was in high school I knew I liked guys -- I knew it even BEFORE that, actually. Yet in high school I fucked a few chicks and hung out with a group of the hottest girls in school. MOST of them I never touched, so I'm not bragging here. In fact, saying I've had some pussy here on CFS is NOT something I'd brag about anyway! It is but a distant memory now -- and I'm quite happy for that!

The point is that for a short time during high school, when I FINALLY admitted to myself that I liked guys, I thought I'd "come out" a little bit as bisexual. Looking back, I clearly see this behavior now as nothing more than a means of making a transition a bit easier for myself. It was "bad" to be gay, but it was NOT AS BAD to be bisexual. I could bullshit about "the best of both worlds" and all that crap. But in truth -- I didn't want much to do with the world of vaginas and boobs.

LOTS of gay guys go through this phase before they ultimately admit to themselves that they are gay. THIS IS FACT. SOME gay guys NEVER go through it, knowing they are gay and making no bones about it from Day One. Good for them. Seriously. But others need some time to make that leap of self-awareness. Consequently, we sometimes become prejudiced in our belief that anyone who makes claims to bisexuality or heterosexuality but yet exhibits almost exclusively HOMOSEXUAL behavior is, indeed, fooling himself.

I think this is a "reasonable" prejudice that should be tolerated at least a little bit. When a hypothesis is correct MOST of the time it DOES lend support to the theory. HOWEVER, when a hypothesis cannot be proved EVERY SINGLE TIME and the results repeated -- we cannot consider it an immutable law. In other words: there are always going to be exceptions.

The internet has allowed for many "straight" and "bi" guys to come out of the closet anonymously and get what they want. You could have never reached us here if CFS did not exist, right? You'd have a hard time finding places to cruise when traveling without this site. And you'd have almost NO support group of peers.

But ARE we your peers? I guess that depends on YOUR frame of mind. You are asking predominantly gay men to define you -- and we cannot give you a concrete answer. Not so much because we aren't your peers, but because we do not truly know what is in your heart and mind. Only YOU know that.

MY personal experience was that at the time when I selected a "bisexual" label for myself (it only lasted about a year), I was questioning my TRUE desires and my own judgments about myself. For me, these doubts about my sexuality were finally vanquished when I more or less just laughed at myself one day and essentially said: "Who the fuck am I kidding? Certainly not ME!"

The thing is -- sometimes it takes guys YEARS AND YEARS to get to this point. One of my Dad's best friends is gay -- HE didn't come out until he was in his fifties. My cousin NEVER had doubts -- he was a big, old queen at age twelve. It just depends. Some guys will NEVER, EVER come clean.

And some ARE telling the truth.

There are degrees of psychological deception for all of us. Sexuality is just ONE facet of this. Sometimes it isn't even "deception" on a personal level -- sometimes we simply CANNOT see ourselves for what we truly are. For example, there are many folks with clinically defined neuroses who have no idea that they have any sort of problem at all. In fact, for some of these people, their behavior may NOT be a problem if it doesn't interfere with the rest of their life. If a dude wants to wash his hands once every hour... and doesn't dwell on it, and doesn't let his habit get in the way of his daily life... well... so what? He's oblivious, he's happy, and his hands are certainly very clean. But for the dude who allows his hand-washing compulsion to dominate his thoughts and daily routine -- he knows he's got a problem and may or may not ever have the guts to address it.

Also be aware that there are lots of bi or straight guys who not only transition between a personal admittance of sexual identity, but who often do so BECAUSE they start to experiment MORE. Let's put it like this, dude: once you start sucking dick, you'll want MORE of it.

Even GAY guys often go through this. When I was a kid I kept all my sexual encounters limited to ME getting sucked off. I had the SAME mindset as many bi guys that I see quoted online so often: "Hey, I'm just LETTING a guy suck me, I'm not INTO him at all."

Eh -- for many of us, that turns out to be utter bullshit. We KNOW we're fooling ourselves. Then, one day, some hot, butch fucker shoves us down onto his dick and... it's hard to feel "straight" when you've got a fat cock in your mouth, you know?

And there's a whole "male bonding" aspect to this that cannot be denied. Face it: when a guy has his mouth around your dick, no matter how much you want to believe you are "only" doing whatever it is that it makes you feel comfortable to believe you are doing -- you are STILL bonding INTIMATELY with another man in a way that men who NEVER exhibit homosexual behavior cannot understand.

You've got a little secret, don't you?

Doesn't matter if you don't FEEL anything over it -- you KNOW it. I bet you THINK about it all the time, too. You think about men who are TRULY straight, who have NEVER, EVER been with another man and never will -- and you CANNOT JOIN THEIR RANKS. It's too late now -- you won't ever be a member of the "Utterly Straight Society."

You can look at that and despair and feel massive guilt. Or you can enjoy your OWN distinction and allow yourself to feel pleasure with your secret. THAT choice is yours -- and it is a HUGE decision to make.

We hear this whole "well, women just aren't as sexually free as men are and I can't find enough women to satisfy me so I HAVE to get it from other guys" baloney. I'm sorry -- you wanted opinions, so here you go: I don't buy that for one minute. Lots of gay men are reluctant to believe that there are, indeed, straight guys who have NEVER been with another guy, never even had a childhood experience, never thought about it: but there ARE. The fact is, MOST of the world is straight. A TRULY straight man would NEVER do what you are doing, would NEVER cruise a bookstore and tally up three hundred blowjobs from other guys. NEVER in a million years.

The choice of personal label is up to YOU. As is the choice of BEHAVIOR. Some guys can deny their sexuality FOREVER, remaining married and electing to NEVER act on their desires. Some men know they are gay from their very first sexual memory. Some men go through a transition phase of wondering. The fact is, it is NOT the same for everyone out there. YOU are whatever you think you are -- OUR subjective notions of what WE might call you don't really matter, do they? We'd only be basing our assumptions on our own personal experiences and history. We cannot grasp what YOUR life has been and what events led you to where you are today.

Personally, I don't care what a guy considers himself to be, but I DO draw limits when it comes to sexual encounters. Unlike many gay men who find it a huge rush to "conquer" a straight guy and get him into bed, I find the notion actually quite repulsive and derive no satisfaction from it at all. For me, I want a guy to be INTO me -- if all he wants is for ME to suck his dick and I can tell he has zero interest in anything but my mouth -- he won't get it! Likewise I feel the same for these alleged straight men who ONLY want to suck my dick -- when I read these profiles online that have all sorts of stipulations about "no kissing, no touching, no talking," etc. I am OUT of there. I don't like being USED. The good news is that there are plenty of gay men out there who DO get off on this -- and also, what the fuck do you care about what I like, right? The way I figure, if a guy isn't right for me, he IS going to be right for someone else -- so I won't waste MY time or HIS time trying to change his perspective -- or worse, giving in to something that doesn't turn me on and then feeling let-down after the fact.

This is not to say I have never hooked up with bi or straight dudes. In fact, I have a little situation going on right now with a bi guy that I may post about later on. But at least with this "bi" guy there is lots of mutual interest -- he wants me to fuck him, he wants to eat my cum, suck my dick -- and I enjoy taking care of him as well (which is rare). But if he allowed NO touching at all or anything BUT genital to genital sex -- I'd be done with him fast.

The ABS scene allows you to connect with many other guys who feel the same way that you feel. Even if you never have a conversation with them, and even if you never know FOR SURE who is in the ABS at any given time, you DO know that LOTS of married, bi, straight and gay guys frequent these places. So right there you have found a COMFORT ZONE: in the confines of the ABS, you are NOT ALONE.

And there's really nothing wrong with that, dude. I do wonder, however, if you feel nervous that BECAUSE of this unspoken connection, perhaps you are afraid of "bonding" a bit too closely with other guys in some way, be it physical, mental, emotional, whatever.

You say you are not attracted to men. Yeah, whatever. Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. But the fact remains: just look down and you'll see a face around your cock that can grow a beard. You'll see another dude jerking off his own dick. No matter what you say about your level of attraction, it TURNS YOU ON TO LET A GUY SUCK YOU OFF. A man's face on your dick -- how many times have you thought about it when jerking off? Plenty, I'm sure. You can refute a physical attraction to men -- you can say and believe and practice the fact that you are not aroused by the thought of INTIMACY with a man. But, dude... aside from kissing, which I feel is the MOST intimate sexual act possible, a man's mouth on your penis is a close second on the intimacy scale!

Yeah, yeah... I get it... you are saying you feel no sexually emotional connection. But you DO -- it is just a matter of the TYPE of connection. THAT kind of physical pleasure is seldom little more than JUST release, especially when you cross over in the HUNDREDS of times you've had a man suck you off. When you frequent places to find men who want to suck you -- when you repeated stick your dick in the mouths of other guys -- you can't tell me you don't feel ANYTHING at all, ever. Doesn't mean you want to tell the guy how hot he is or that you love him -- but the fact remains: a GUY'S face is eating your dick, not a woman's face.

I am basing these observations on experience, too, not just conjecture. I could related easily DOZENS of stories about men I met last winter who were clearly believing they are bi or straight and yet who got on their knees and devoured my dick with a passion that many gay men can't match (wanting and needing it more, they were free to let loose in a venue free of judgment). Yet when it was over, and many times before it had begun, it was impossible not to see the FEAR or GUILT in their eyes. It was like watching a starving man stare into the windows of a crowded restaurant and CRAVE what he cannot have but what he NEEDS to survive.

I ran into this big, hot dude I nicknamed "Butch" during my escapades in NY last winter. Let's just say that if I had X-ray vision I would have spotted his wedding band hidden away in his pocket. Not a soul would ever suspect that this big, hot, tough-ass motherfucker LOVED to suck dick. In fact, he made me nervous at first. I wanted to get together with him but feared that if I made a move at all he'd be rough or ONLY want ME to do something to him -- and I wanted more than that. Yet when I finally DID hook up with him, this gentle giant came over to my booth and delicately sank to his knees and sucked me off with EXPERT precision. His mouth was incredible soft and gentle and wonderful -- everything I like. Yet HE was as tough as they come. SEEING this massively BUTCH dude on his knees servicing ME was a HUGE thrill. The SECOND time we met he had me SO turned on that I came in about three minutes -- this was horrifying for me since I can last for hours most times. But he was TOO hot. I apologized to him and decided the least I could do was take care of him. And his dick was as hot as the rest of him. The THIRD and FOURTH time we met we both just kept taking turns on each other for a solid forty-five minutes or so. He NEVER tired of getting at my dick and I was pretty impressed with his, too (his dick was almost identical to mine, which was fun).

The first couple times, after we finished up, he departed swiftly and looked away, refusing to make eye contact. After that, however, he got a little more friendly and felt more relaxed. He would say a few words. We told each other that anytime we ran into each other at the ABS that we'd make it a sure thing and not bother cruising anyone else.

I didn't try bringing up the level of intimacy with him -- I knew he wouldn't go for it. Couldn't kiss this guy, but... he DID get more and more intimate with my DICK each and every time, not bothering to hide his desire and passion anymore. So that was cool.

It was easy to read this guy, as it is easy to read lots of guys who are in a state of sexual confusion. Bookstores are a good place to find that, as is the net.

If you were not confused at all, you wouldn't have asked. My experience is that most guys who ASK questions about THEIR sexuality have a certain degree of self-doubt. Which is just stating the obvious...

You can do whatever you want with your BEHAVIOR. You can continue on doing only what you do now or you can take it further sometime. I suspect you are scared of LIKING it if you take it further. But there's only one way to find out, isn't there?

For the record, I did NOT like it the first time a guy shoved his dick in my mouth. And for the record, I am STILL not a dedicated cocksucker. But I LOVE men and when I meet a guy that turns me on, I am more than willing to do much more than "let" him blow ME.

The bi guy I mentioned, the one I'm seeing now... he went INSANE for me sucking him. I have to say... I suspect it was one of the best times he's had in YEARS. Which kind of scares ME. HE was not a great cocksucker, but he wasn't bad. And I like his attitude of "do anything you want." Years ago, however... I could have NEVER blown a guy like that -- I would have been disgusted. I remember when I thought dick tasted BAD.

It's like olives, dude: an acquired taste, for some.

Go have fun and play safely. I would HIGHLY recommend to try new things -- but you cannot do that if you feel guilty about opening up to new levels of male to male sex.

And frankly, I only recommend that you and other bi guys try doing MORE because it directly benefits me!



Take it easy -- see ya 'round the gloryholes, perhaps.

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I think I've exhausted my thoughts about "bi" guys on here who otherwise identify as straight.

As for the quote above, no, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, most guys, myself included, like to play with a few guys when they cruise places like an ABS until they find the one that really does it for them, then, they'll shoot their load.

If someone isn't doing it for me, I just say I'm going to walk around, take a break or something and always say thank you. Usually guys are cool with this, although, I have had a couple of guys slam the door behind them, but hey, that's all their baggage not yours if it should happen. The only thing is it does cause kind of a "scene" and can ruin the flow of the dark, anonymous environment.

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Most guys usually are cool with it but what about the one's that are not? I cruise an adult theater where there are no booths to hide in. I've let more than a few guys get a "taste" before deciding that I was going to move along only to have them stick to me like glue.

I'm not one for confrontation, especially in a criusing situation, so I end up being uncomfortable and will leave the theater if I can't shake the guy.


Back to the original topic. Listen to Scruff, I think he pretty much covered it all. I was one of those he mentioned that never had a problem being gay. I knew it as a child. My only hang up was that for a while I thought I was the only guy in the world that wanted to suck a dick but it didn't take long to discover how wrong I was.

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Ask a question, get a novel in return.

Those were some great insights Scruf. In hindsight, I probably should have thought more before I posted. Clearly, I am the 10,000th person with that kind of a post.


You're probably right that I do have an attraction to men. I didn't mean to come across as in denial. I suppose the truth of the matter lies in the *type* of attraction.

For example, I've kissed guys, and had them kissing all over me, and that *type* of action/intimacy/whatever, does absolutely nothing for me. It certainly didn't gross me out or anything, but for me it was nowhere near as fun/hot as making out with a woman. Therefore, I refrain from those types of activities.

So, I suppose that the conclusion is that I am somewhat bi, but not 50/50 per se.

I would only press back a little on the "if I could get it from a woman I would" bit. I see where you're coming from. BUT- and I mean this- if I had a hypothetical choice between an ABS full of women and an ABS full of men, I'd take the one full of women, truly. But then those don't exist now do they?

The men I've had turn me on, but it's more a means to an end.


I really didn't mean for my post to come across as "str8 guy coming to grips" so much. I'd really be interested in some discussion of the ABS scene in general.

It is interesting to me to see the different types of ABS. For example, in Denver, I went to an ABS that each booth was absolutely huge and had a couch inside that laid out almost like a bed.

If anyone reading this is from the DC area, check out my post over there on K&B, our local bookstore. The place has some good and bad things and I was trying to get a discussion going.

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Eh... posting a question and getting a "novel" in response is par for the course here, what with me around!

Do understand that because your post didn't give TOO much by way of specifics, I was doing a lot of supposition as to the POSSIBILITIES which exist. So I listed a lot of potential psychological manifestations of sexuality. These are all real and many of us go through certain stages of realization as to WHO we are (more so than WHAT we are, if we're lucky).

YOU can be in any stage -- or you can be completely satisfied with EXACTLY where you are right now and you will never suddenly start to want men "more." But it is only fair to provide you with many of the possible scenarios which DO exist. And I thought it was also important for ALL the bi guys out there to understand that SOMETIMES (but not always), being "bi" IS, in fact, a transitional phase of self-description that makes "coming out" a bit easier for some of us "now-gay" guys.

I envy GWT -- I wish I never had a year of self-doubt when I was growing up. My ex never doubted, either: he always knew he was gay. But I AM thankful that I only vacillated for a year -- it could have been much worse and I might have had to suffer through MORE pussy if I hadn't come to terms with my sexuality so soon!

These days, though, and for many years now, I know exactly who I am -- and I have ZERO hangups about it.

And I think that is all that matters, really. Even if I have experienced many bi guys that I truly believe are "just fooling themselves," it doesn't matter much. What is more important to me is if a guy is free of hangups about his sexuality. YOU seem perfectly fine with your own self-description. It is the guys who exhibit all sorts of sexual "freak outs" when dealing with other men who bug me.

I mean... I would HATE an encounter wherein a guy would suck my dick but would flip out if I touched him. I don't need that kind of shit. There are MANY gay dudes who would be fine with that -- and THEY can hook up with these guys who are in doubt, not me.

With regard to your bookstore thrills... yeah, I feel the same. I LOVE the wide variety of men -- even the guys who DO have the hangups. I won't hook up with them, or will leave an encounter with them once I discovery the hangup in question, but I enjoy the fact that EVERYONE can go to these places and ultimately find SOMEONE that suits them. I didn't even mind the crossdresser who cruised one of the bookstores in NY. She tried hitting on me a few times, but once she knew I wasn't interested, she was very understanding. I guess a "gal" in her situation is used to the fact that not everyone wants a CD, so she was polite about it. And I thought it was very cool that she had a place where she COULD go to find guys who wanted her.

REAL women in bookstores is something of a rarity, but I've run into that a few times, too. I just keep my distance. Most of the time they tend to get fucked by their boyfriend in a Buddy Booth and let others watch.

You COULD plan a nice vacation to Nevada, you know... The brothels there are the closest thing you will find to a bookstore full of women! In fact, I've often wished there were MALE counterparts of the Nevada brothels. I would not be beyond indulging a fantasy and paying for a hot cub of my choice (just for kicks, of course)!

Though I haven't seen TOO much variation on a theme with regard to bookstores, there have been a few cool layouts that I've enjoyed. A certain upstairs location in West Virginia had a small lounge, though there was no action going on there. I had a HELL of a hot time with a great guy there, though. Buddy Booths are great fun and can be used to selectively pick and choose or just to show off your dick. Pre-fab gloryholes are always nice.

One place in West Virginia was really wild... this SUPER-TINY shack smack dab in the middle of a mountain highway. I'm talking as big as most average living rooms. A small boutique in front and a curtained area in the back with only six booths, three in a row on each side of a tiny hallway. An oscillating fan kept a nice breeze going. Four out of the six booth had gloryholes. The booths take dollar bills and the films last FOREVER. Getting a blowjob here is incredibly easy -- and rather wild, given the close proximity to the boutique, the clerk and anyone else in there. The place is spotlessly clean, too, equipped with hand-holds above the gloryholes, garbage cans, Kleenex tissue boxes -- and a small vase with flowers on a corner shelf in each booth. How cool...

Damn, I MISS the bookstores!

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Scruffy and everyone else wrote some great responses, but I think a couple of points have been missed.

1. If DC lives in DC, finding women for casual encounters should not be a problem. He's just looking in the wrong place(s). Not that I'm going to give advise here on where to get chicks (ABSs are not the place), but being approachable in certain situations increases the opportunities for casual sex with women. In smaller towns, I have found it harder to find men to have sex with than women.

Is this an issue that I am gay and women are more comfortable with that? No. That never comes up. I may be a bottom who loves to suck dick, but I don't advertise it to them.

2. A close female friend and I had a discussion several years ago about "honesty and deception" in these encounters. Does DC feel comfortable "playing" with men and having a woman as a girlfriend or wife? Many gay men have a partner (living with him) or in a "couple", yet also have open relationships. This happens less so with male-female relationships. Am I deceiving the wife or girlfriend by taking a load from her man? He made a choice to wrap a rubber on his dick and slide it up my ass, even though he could have put his meat in her cunt. If I know he is in this situation, am I enabling a dishonest action? Even if I don't know about his situation, does being available for casual sex with another man without validating the other person's motives play a part in deceiving someone else?

Of course, most of us would argue "no". Free choice is free choice. I didn't blackmail him into fucking me raw. I had a steady casual sex buddy who was with living with a woman. We moved from jack off buddies, to oral to fucking. We never talked about his relationship. I was not in any relationship at the time, so I was not deceiving anyone, so I argued. But my female friend would argue that like the traditional "other woman", I lingered over that relationship in a dishonest way. She also felt that dishonesty was rooted not in health concerns but in emotional concerns -- was I confusing the man's sexual identity, similar to that exhibited by DC.

3. Finally, I want to take issues with the very thought of "sexual identity." I really feel for those above the age of 35 or so who came to sexual maturity in a polarized, isolated era. Since the mid-1980s, I think men have encountered enough mainstream media to feel more and more comfortable with expanding their encounters with the same sex (or opposite sex) before settling into a habitual sexual identity. Scruffy hung around hot women, tried a few out, but ended up gay.

I think sexual identity is transitional. History has proven this, with literature and other information about past sexual practices. Mores ditacting strict deliniations have come more recently (another example of this type of transition is the increase in "religious mores" in current society -- Thomas Jefferson was an atheist, sexual predator, George W Bush is a evangelical, monogamite.) Yet, many young people (under the age of 25) are open to experiment with "friends with benefits." More and more, teenages can fuck whomever (male or female) they want . This creates a transitory sexual identity: same sex play occurs in high schools and colleges around the country (just like they have always occured around the rest of the world).

In the end, our sexual identity cannot be measured by pure labels ("gay", "bi", etc.) or percentages. Responding to certain pornography don't prove much either. That is a matter of taste. And tastes change -- today I want to see blow jobs and cum shots with "twinks". Tomorrow I want to see jerk off scenes with "bears". Or maybe a "straight" video?

And, taking this to a physical level, even though someone is "incredibly hot", a great physical and emotional connection makes the sex even better. Why does DC back out of "boring" blow jobs? Does that mean DC wishes he was doing the sucking? DC writes "I've become much more discriminating. Not so much on the basis of looks, but talent. If I am getting a BJ that is just so-so, or even bad, I'll stop it, nicely thank the person, and be out of there waiting for a better one." Scruffy sums this up well, "The way I figure, if a guy isn't right for me, he IS going to be right for someone else -- so I won't waste MY time or HIS time trying to change his perspective -- or worse, giving in to something that doesn't turn me on and then feeling let-down after the fact." Yet, if Scruffy does not continue with the guy not right for him, that does not mean he is no longer gay (his card is revoked). Instead, "action/intimacy/whatever" that DC is looking for depends not on the gender, not on the looks but on the connection. Scruff wrote "I don't like being USED," yet, as we all know, that is the very nature of an ABS. You want a great encounter with a guy? First, get over the guilt or fear that Scruffy so eloquently analyzed. Then, play racquetball with him, go biking or hiking, meet someone at a music club. For a first time "guy on guy" encounter, or as Scruff wrote "bring[] up the level of intimacy", DC needs to add himself (his interests, his personality, etc) to the equation.

My conclusion, lose the labels (everyone lose them, not just DC), lose the excuses (i.e., no women are available, men are easy) and deal with the guilt. Don't deceive yourself, don't deceive others.

Play fair, play safe, play often.

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Cool post from a newbie...

To avoid any confusion, however... I do not feel I "ended up gay" even after trying out a few pieces of snatch. Perhaps this statement is being semantically misinterpreted by myself, so no need to make a big deal out of it. But for the record, I always KNEW I was gay, deep down inside -- I just wouldn't admit it for a while, thinking it would be to my benefit to at least TRY to give heterosexuality a chance. It's easy for lots of guy to repress their true feelings, and consequently many gay men who have been through that experience become jaded and disbelieve anyone who claims bisexuality. When I was a kid, my Mom always told me that I should at least try out new things before I made a decision as to whether or not I liked them. Mostly, however, this applied to things like eating broccoli or cauliflower for the first time. Mom never really suggested I go down on some dripping pussy, you know?

Yet growing up with that notion in my head, of trying things before deciding upon them, I thought it would be wise to sample women prior to writing them off. Also, as it turned out, I had to try a few things several times before I understood my own tastes as an adult. For example, I LOVE broccoli now -- but cauliflower and I have a few issues that cannot be resolved.

I had many sexual experiences with my "gal pal" of whom I speak of often to this day -- we've been friends for over twenty years. A few of those experiences were good -- but they were NEVER great. And as she become more emotionally involved with ME, I realized that I could not combine sexual stimulation with EMOTION when it came to WOMEN. I can only do that with other men.

I'm quite sure I could screw a chick if I absolutely HAD to, maybe at gunpoint or something (especially if the guy holding the gun was hot). I could "let" a broad blow me, probably... But WHY?

And therein lies the difference -- "bi" guys who screw around with other guys WANT IT to some degree. Even if they claim they cannot kiss or touch or feel emotionally involved -- they still CRAVE other men and actively seek them out. So it is NOT a matter of doing it strictly BECAUSE THEY CAN. If I had to fuck a woman, I could -- but I am NOT going to do that just because I CAN. (Admittedly, it might take a few cockrings, several Viagra tabs and a penis pump to keep me hard through that experience.)

So there's a thrill or need or desire or craving or SOMETHING that continues to drive these guys to the bookstores and to go out cruising. Gay guys, however, don't often feel the need to go find a woman to fuck. Some gay dudes are openly gay and remain married to women who KNOW they are gay -- but this is rare. It is even MORE rare for the gay guy and his REAL wife to continue to have sex. Most women wouldn't allow a guy to fuck them when they know he spends weekends cruising bookstores. And more importantly, very few women would have sex when their gay husband is doing it only out of obligation and has no physical feelings for her.

I don't sit around and fantasize about women, that's for sure. Straight porn rarely entices me, unless I can focus on a really hot guy and mute the sound so I don't have to listen to that nasty bitch screaming. Straight porn almost never focuses on the dude anyway -- the fleeting glimpses just aren't worth slogging through all that pussy and bouncing silicone...

Sexual tastes and desires DO vary, no doubt. I enjoy trying out different types of MEN -- and have found many varieties that are quite nice. But clearly the difference between gay and bi dudes is that us gay guys DO NOT often get erections thinking of women. We may want variety, but the variety we seek tends to always have a hard cock involved.

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Great bit about the swing couple, I used to have a Gf who was just as crazy as I was when it came to sucking cock. we've gone to abs several times and the powerstation bath in san fran lots of time to play, she knew how to suck cock with the best of the best gay guys. I just perfer to suck and not get sucked but only she could suck me right...greedy though she'd never share my cum with me..Bitch.

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