I am a healthy 40yo WM. All my life I have been terribly attracted to women. Indeed, the sight of a beautiful woman still takes my breath away.

However, over the past year I have experimented by going to gay baths and spas. I have had several M to M sexual encounters. They are quick and nameless, and immensely enjoyable. In particular, I have developed a real love for giving head. In particular, I enjoy taking a hit or two on a small vial of poppers, and then surrendering my mouth to a man.

I am not interested in any sort of relationship with a man; in fact, I do not want to know my partners' names and I do not even want to speak with them: I simply drop to my knees and perform. Once they finish, we never meet again.

My habit now requires that I go to a spa at least 2 times per month. I have sucked off as many as five guys in a 4-hour setting.

My question is this: Am I gay? I think that women are beatiful and I am not attracted to men. I simply love the feel of a cock in my mouth.

What does all this mean?

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You are a bisexual, my friend.
Enjoy yourself, play safe, and don't analyze things so much.
You are who you are.

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Beautiful women take my breath away too, and I'm gay. I'm also not particularly interested in an intimate relationship with a man, yet, I'm gay and I also prefer anonymous sex in book stores, baths etc...and I'm again, gay.

Really, only you know if you're gay, bi or straight and only you know if there's validity to a statement of sucking five cocks off in a bath house, twice a month, and still not be attracted to men.

I'm not physically attracted to women and hence am not eating pussy on a bi-monthly basis, no pun intended ;-)

The other guy who posted probably has the best advice, don't analyze it so much and like I stated, only you know the real answer as to what your sexual preferences are.

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I agree with the others, you are who you are. Do you need a label for that? How will things be different if you decide you are gay?

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Thank you for the thoughtful responses. It just seems hard for me to call myself gay, or even bisexual, when I am not attracted to men, only their sex organs during anonymous sex.

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DUH an attraction to male sex organs is a male attraction. It doesnt matter if you have an emotional attachment to whom they are attached! You are living in some sort of fantisy. I assume the society or family pressure of how bad it is to be gay/bi really has your brain warped.

Just because you resolve this issue doesnt mean you have to come out and tell everyone or live a sterotype "gay" lifestyle. Everyone goes through some sort of an understanding of ones self and you continue to focus where you have been pointed by society. You need to get over the guilt.

Let me assure you that "straight" society would not consider you straight with your fixation on male organs!

Go to a gym and stare at some of the "straight" guys organs and see what kind of comments you get or other reaction you get! Buy some pictures of nude men and leave them around for your friends and family to see and see what they think about that...

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40 something, 6' 175 brn/brn hairy looking for other married wm or younger guys to play.

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Since I'm on line anyway, why not cut the guy some slack?

If he is uncomfortable with the concept of being "gay" so be it. There was supposed to be a "Sound of Music" sing-a-long here in Atlanta for Gay Pride Weekend, and the guys were asked to come in leiderhosen. If that is what being gay is, hell, I'm as straight as a nail.

PHXBOT, if you chose to not call yourself gay, and that is what gets you through the night, all the more power to you. If to you, gay=flaming queen and you don't fit the bill, that's fine. But you do like sucking dick, which happens to be very pleasant, you frequent bath houses, and sorry, that is gay behavior. Just because a duck has most of the attributes of a goose does not "make" it a goose. It's still a duck. However, ducks don't know that the big hairless ape-like creatures have named them ducks. Nomenclature is great if you need to classify things, but it doesn't actually change anything after the lable has been applied.

Hope this helps. So to answer your question, yes you are, but don't hassle the details because it isn't going to get you anywhere in the end. All of us have gone through the same confusion you are now facing. Good luck to you.

Dr Danny
(and no, I'm not a psychiatrist)

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I agree with the others - if you like to suck cock, enjoy. I wouldn't worry about the label either.

However, I find it difficult to believe that you are "not attracted to the men, just the sexual organs." Would you treat an 80 year old man with a hard cock the same way you would a 30 year old with the body of Adonis? If so, then I would agree with you, it's just the cock you're interested in. If you're only interested in the young guy, you're like most of the gay guys out here.

I don't think the type of the experience (anonymous v. taking someone home and making passionate love) is the determining factor in your orientation. Many gay guys enoy and/or prefer anonymous sex. Some guys prefer to suck a cock through a glory hole, never seeing it's owner. It doesn't make them any less gay.

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anymore than a straight guy who likes, receiving anal intercourse, is gay.

Anyway what's in a name a cock by any other name would feel as sweet?

When you are hot you are hot
When you are not you are not

Relax enjoy and experiment. Please do not worry about names.

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Ummmm......I honestly can't say anything more then what has already been said.

So enjoy yourself , and have some safe fun.

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First of all let me say that I am never more happier and filled with joy then when I have a hard cock in my mouth. I am 6ft tall, dark brown hair, goatee or beard depending on the weather, chubby dude, very masculine acting, smooth skin, anal virgin...it makes me sad at times, very girlish and feminine once I am behind closed doors, I am very senstive to being touched, I moan alot.

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noseep

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a hard cock by any other name is a hard cock 9i see his way of thinking some of us are not selective but just want the experience

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noseep

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If I called you a Cocksucker, would you be offended by that label because your cocksucking behavior looks remarkably like the cocksucking behavior of gays? As a confirmed, cardcarrying homosexual myself, I'm not the least bit offended by the label of cocksucker since one of my sexual behaviors is ... sucking cock.

The question begs an answer which only you, and only you, knows. Being Gay or a cardcarrying Homosexual is more about a constellation of behaviors which are uniquely Gay or Homosexual.

I wouldn't worry about being labeled Gay unless you suddenly develop an obsession with redecorating your home, you find yourself dreaming and lusting for Norm Abram, and you watch "This Old House" reruns to fulfill your sexual fantasies.

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Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. And, under a just God, cannot long retain it.

-- Abraham Lincoln

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I agree with BMG. Other signs are using the word "fabulous," making it a point to stay home to watch the Tonys, knowing the difference between chiffon and charmeuse, and watching Bravo. If you do these things, you're a big ole' homo. If you like sucking cock or getting your cock sucked, you're a man. Ignore the labels and enjoy getting your nut.

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Always looking for a JO buddy

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Wait a minute.

I generally stay away from these types of threads because they are highly subjective and no one can possibly mold the feelings and thoughts of the guy asking the question.

Usually our standard response is to NOT worry about labels.

Yet we just told him several stereotypical traits and habits which might make him gay. I'm aware that this was done on a mostly facetious level.

It was rather campy, too. And, of course, campiness is a sure sign of gayness, isn't it?

I'M gay and I do not know the difference between the two fabrics Sam mentioned. Hell, I don't even know how to spell them and I'm too lazy to look back and copy Sam's text!

I hate Bravo. I hate Logo. I haven't redecorated in years and don't care. I never say "fabulous." I could not care less about the Tony awards.

But I'm a fag.

Are we telling this guy that it is femme behavior he must be cautious of? Or are we saying that his dick sucking desires alone are enough to make him queer?

"Don't worry about labels, but here's a few things that will definitely label you as a fag. Oh, and by the way -- you are engaging in gay behavior no matter what your mannerisms may or may not be."

We can't get away without labels in some form or another. Labels are, in fact, often essential to one's own psychological development during our formative, younger years and also as we age and enter various stages of life development. Labels can be beneficial to our sense of SELF.

FRETTING over a label choice is something entirely different, and can lead to much anguish and confusion. I'll agree there.

When most of us came out of the proverbial closet, didn't it feel GOOD to FINALLY know who we were? Weren't you relieved to understand your sexuality at that point?

Some were lucky NOT to ever question their orientation. But many (if not most) were not. The vast majority of gay men went through a period of indecisiveness and questioning, would you agree?

I support the bottom line here -- the guy shouldn't WORRY about it. But we all know from experience that we didn't truly go out and suck dick and have a "gay old time" with other men and NEVER ponder WHO or WHAT we were.

"Know thyself." I think that is a strong statement and of great benefit to a well-developed personality.

The trick is also to ACCEPT yourself.

What I'd like to tell t his guy is that he can select any label he likes, as long as he doesn't denigrate his own behavior and let guilt get in the way of his personal happiness in life.

He is also free NOT to choose any label -- so long as he is comfortable with THAT choice. If a label helps him develop his sense of self, go for it. If it only serves to confuse him more, relinquish it for now.

One does not have to be stereotypical-gay to still be gay. Any one of us who has ever cruised ANY gay scene can attest to the fact that one of the most intriguing aspects of it all is the myriad mix of different types of guys.

It's a fantasy to have a world without labels. That world does not exist. Nor is a world without labels what we should strive for, either.

We just have to be happy being who we are. I think that's something we all agree upon.

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