I first met Carl in our freshman year at college. Sure, everybody was checking out everybody else in the lockers those days, but Carl kinda glued his eyes to my crotch to the point that he stopped breathing and blinking...

On the way out of the Sport center, I told Carl that I had some cold brew in my fridge, and that he was welcome to tag along. He got the message alright. We really never made it to the beer part, though. He was on his knees even before I was able to lock the door behind me.

I pounded Carl's ass that evening for an hour, made him shoot his load twice, and shot twice myself. We kinda bonded right then and there.

Carl and I became the best FBs. Little talk, lots of sex. Total discretion. He was dating girls, and was a real looker, too. We joked a lot about it. He was my "ass on duty" and I was his "cock on duty" but neither he nor I ever lacked sex.

Our paths split after the graduation. Quite some geography came in-between Carl and me. He got married couple of months after the graduation, and I went for the Postgrad. The Facebook came in handy, though. It turned out, Carl married a woman who brought in her 10 year old son into the marriage. They soon had couple of kids of their own, too.

Over the time, Carl and I would meet once in a while. There was a conference here, a convention there, and a famous fishing trip for him once in a while.

Little has ever changed about Carl. He kept himself in great shape, loved to get a serious pounding, shoot his load, and move on. He was the straightest gay man I have ever met.

A while ago, I got a short message from one of the gay dating sites. Pretty cute college dude, in his early 20's was looking for a 'older brother - daddy' type. Would I be interested in meeting him up for coffees downtown?

If anything, the guy looked even better than his pix. An all around cool, young pretty athletic dude, not lacking sex or sexual experience but looking for a stable, mentor kind of relationship. A weekend away from the dorms, maybe a nice dinner somewhere, a road trip? I figured out that this dude was really after being appreciated more than after your typical sugar daddy.

I also figured out that I knew the dude from somewhere but was unable to put my finger on it. It did not take very long, though. The following week, I took Mark out for a cool dinner at one of those new, hip places we have in town, he mentioned his stepfather Carl as being supportive of his coming out, and helping him through the college admission and all. He was still amazed that Carl took his being gay so naturally, and without much ado. His Mom apparently shed many tears, and wanted him to go and seek medical help. Carl, on the other hand, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Kid, get going and enjoy your life." Mark would not have done it any other way anyway but he felt it was very cool to get some support along the way.

I have bonded with Mark the same way I once bonded with his Stepdad. He is a total bottom. I am a total top. We go together like a hand and a glove. The friendship with Mark made me think about my time with Carl. Sex was as good as it gets. But the world has changed. Discretion is fine but it is not the name of the game. We would hang out, shoot the breeze, and enjoy being with each out. Out there and free. Life got so much better.

I felt that Carl's confession was forthcoming. It came some three weeks into my friendship with Mark.

Carl wrote:
'Mark is like a son to me. When he came out, first to me, and then to his Mom, I knew that I wanted to protect him as much as it was possible.

He has had a BF or two and was hooking up for sex as everyone does these days, but going to college was the big thing. I did not want him to enter the world of sex, drugs and meaningless parties if I could help it. I thought that you were his best choice. He would be free to enjoy his youth and his life, but you would be there for him to catch him should he start falling...

I know, I owe you, and I know you'll make me pay. Actually, I cannot wait for it to happen..."

Carl

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It is so funny how discretion used to be everything - I remember after sex with my buddy we would start talking about tomorrows math test or anything other than the fact we just had sex.

Had another buddy we would double date in high school and if the girls did not put out we took care of each other on the way home. It was never something we openly talked about - but I knew I was always hoping for his date to be a prude!

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Yup. I cannot agree more. My buddies and I even joked about the m2m sex we have just had, but talking about it even amongst ourselves? Nope. That would go too far...

With the doubtless benefit of the hindsight, the universal discretion surrounding those best(est) male friendship really amounted to the best kept secret being held in the public eye.

My buddies would come over to study together with me. We would go to each other's places for sleepovers. We would have all those house parties with just the few guys staying late to help "clean up". There would be weekends out there in the country. Ski weekends with your best buddies. Spring breaks... The list rolls on and on. Just like a small group of guys around me enjoyed having m2m sex amongst ourselves, the other groups must have been doing exactly the same. True, very few people ever spoke a word about it in those days, but the implied meaning was there.

You were actually expected to have a coterie of your best buddies around you in your college days. No one wanted to be perceived as being asocial, rite?

My Dad and the fathers of my best buddies were actually telling us the very same stories. You went to college to have fun, hang out with your buddies, and enjoy yourself. Sure, none of them would elaborate but we were getting the picture alright.

No one felt it appropriate or necessary to state what was clearly implied and understood to be a matter of natural necessity. Now, raising the issue in public really amounted to challenging the existing order of things and as such was very much unwelcome.

Few guys suffered from being branded "gay", freaks or anything, and very few thought that what they were doing was wrong in any way.

Having gone through this experience a few otherwise str8 men remained open minded to the idea of situational homosexuality, and spent no time bashing or criticizing openly gay guys.

KD

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That is what made it so relaxed back then - no one thought a thing about me hanging with a buddy or sleeping over at his place - never had to hide our friendship and it made it so easy to spend time together.

And especially in the younger years it was never talked about in a serious manner. It would come up via the comment about a new girl in school, or a new Penthouse magazine or maybe even just a "Damn I'm horny" - "same here" and that was our way of letting each other know we wanted to mess around. Of course at that age we pretty much always wanted to mess around!


There was never any thought of it being public - it would have never occurred to us to show feelings or attractions where anyone else could see. As far as I am aware no one ever caught on - but I do wonder sometimes....




I think in some ways guys were MORE open to it back then - because we never thought of it as being gay - we thought of it as being horny and "any port in a storm". We thought of it as sex - not gay sex - and I think if either of us tried to say "gay" it might have ended.

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Yup. The idea of being gay in those days meant that you were effeminate, open to attacks, freakish. Having tons of sex with your male friends in private? Sure, that was quite OK. A dude has to do what a dude has to do.

If a dude topped, well, he was a guy. He had to fuck someone. If a dude bottomed, he was a champ, and put out for a friend in need.

We all knew that all of this was a bit of a charade. Some dudes were always willing to put out, the others were always willing to top. But there was hardly any shaming of anyone. Sure, we all cracked jokes about it, but it was all well-meaning and in good humor.

A good top would always show a bit of appreciation for the bottom dude. You'd buy him couple of rounds of drinks, pay for the taxi ride, buy him a dinner now and then. This made it sweeter for the bottom guy, and was a bit of a face saving strategy in a vastly heteronormative world.

The best thing about it all was that we all agreed that this was just sex. Usually, very good sex, too. But no one sweated it, or really thought that what happened the night before was an earth moving event that changed everything, made you gay or anything. We all learned that it was just sex, and that no one was going to waste their lives thinking it over and over again. The experience gave you a very healthy sense of the limited importance of who you really are in sexual terms. No one really felt much drama about it all.

KD

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I loved the almost "casualness" we dealt with it - it was just another fun activity 2 friends could do. My neighbor and I might have met up behind the garage and blown each other Saturday afternoon - but when I saw him on the school bus Monday morning it was just like "hey - how was your weekend" - we never thought of it as love / romance / a gay lifestyle - it was a need we helped each other with.

Sure there were a couple of guys where it was more - where I sort of knew I had feelings for them and it was not just about cumming - but except for when we were alone and messing around we never addressed that part.




I bottomed a lot more than my buddy did - but it was never about my being more effeminate or dominated - it was about the fact I was more comfortable with it that he was. And it was usually much more spontaneous than these days - sure I would have gone to the bathroom and recently showered (hopefully) but if at that age he tried to tell me I had to give myself an enema before we hung out - well that would have been an end to anal sex before it began.




Yeah as time went on we realized it was gay sex - some of the guys "out grew it" and stopped - others of us never did. We would make jokes in the locker room and laugh just like every other guy - but sometimes we would catch each others eye with a little extra humor the others did not realize....



That was my favorite part - it felt good and none of the drama. I remember a guy I hooked up with in college and he started talking about dating and being boyfriends - I was like "what are you talking about? we just got off - nothing more...." He was looking for someone to hold hands with as he walked across the quad - I was looking to have sex. He shortly came out loud and proud - but thankfully in those days he did not feel he needed to bring anyone with him and as far as I know he never told anyone....

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There was something very valuable about this whole underground m2m sex going on during our college years. Gay dudes had their heyday.

More so, str8 guys who joined in the game, discovered that m2m sex did not mean the end of the world as they knew it. A few of them became open-minded and accepting. On a more personal level, they broke a huge taboo, and stopped being hostages of a heteronormative society.

KD

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This is very true. Sex mostly happened when the opportunity presented itself. We are talking about the guys who, while over 18, still lacked real sexperience. We are also talking about the pre-internet age. You used condom because "accidents" were bound to happen. No one thought that this was disgusting. You knew, you were sticking it up some dude's chute. Pretty soon, everyone agreed that some preps were meaningful, so the accidents stopped happening pretty soon.

Yet, I cannot think of any of my top buddies who would have insisted on aenemas in those days. The dude was putting out for you. You took it graciously.

This whole m2m sex thing was an underground affair. Jealousy was pretty rare, too. I was meeting most of the "new" guys through my friends, and I was returning the favor, too. You'd say, we were pimping each other's buddies, though no one thought this was wrong in any way. Everyone wanted to have some fun. And novelty was always welcome.

If any of my bttm buddies bumped into another bottom dude, they'd most likely arrange a meet up with me. If I bumped into another top dude, I'd pass him on to a deserving bttm buddy. Surprisingly few guys had any hang ups about this. Sometimes you won. Sometimes someone else ended up scoring. But the game went on to everybody's satisfaction.

It is also true that some dudes started expecting small gifts, meals, etc., as part of the play. Few guys thought that this was wrong or even undesirable. Sure, some dudes turned out to be suckers, and ended up being laughed about by those in the know, but for the most part, top dudes would try to gain some reputation as being generous and gentlemanly. We all had our scoreboards, and working on getting a higher score was what your college sex life centered on. You had sex with a dude. You did not own him.

KD

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Very true KD -

The gay / bi guys were not looking to date / marry / out the straight guy that just wants to get off -

It was about the sex.

The feeling was "neither of us act like Liberace so we must be straight" - so it was not threatening to their being "straight" - you were both just horny.

Also I think the fact you had seen many of the guys naked - in the dorms - in the showers - you were used to that - and it was a major first step to get over.

It was the need to get off - and the desire to do more than jack off.

With some it would only happen when we were drunk - others it would only to to a certain point - and in almost all cases it was never talked about - until you were ready for the next time.

Guys knew back then you would never "out" them for playing around - so in some ways they were less afraid to try....

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Drama was definitely not part of our world in those days. Sure, some dudes suffered because the guys they developed hots for moved on. You may have been willing to mess around but it did not mean that this other dude was going to agree. No one thought they lived in paradise. But the play worked pretty well for so many guys.

KD

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Exactly - we were horny teenage boys looking to get off and you were giving each other what you needed. As you say - we all knew what it was - no one called it a "pussy" you knew what you were doing and if your partner said "no lets just blow each other" you knew what he meant and enjoyed the BJ.



Yeah - we were horny teenage boys looking to cum - there was no thought really of love or romance - it was about sex. There might be some twinges if your buddy got a steady girlfriend - concern that he was out growing "playing around" and there were a few guys who you sort of realized were going to be gay who might be a bit jealous - but for the most part it was about making each other feel good.




You are very lucky that you and your friends were open enough to know about each other - for the most part our closets were closed so tight we had no idea - and it was so frustrating when years later you find out that a guy you thought was hot fooled around with someone you knew - but you had no idea he was into guys! I will never forget when I found out Will got walked in on getting fucked in college - DAMN! I had been jacking off over him since he was on the jr high swim team!

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This is probably where the different cultural traits kicked in. In a sense we were all in closet. You did not tell your parents, your family, friends, and the guys you knew that you were gay, and that you were actually having sex with other guys.

On the other hand, all of my friends have heard stories from our fathers, uncles, elder brothers, etc., that they all had had their best friends and buddies with whom they were spending lots of time in their day. A real man was not spending his time with girls, doing girly stuff. You'd hang out with you your buddies. No one mentioned all the details but you quickly figured out that most likely, hanging out with your buddies probably included some fun on the side, while the girls were really not available for the sweaty, sex stuff.

We talked amongst each other, because the guy with whom you had sex was bound by his promise of absolute discretion. He, too, shared his experiences with you, for the same reason. The actual fact that you shared common sexual experience made you a trustworthy person. You became one of his gang, and he became one of yours. In that sense, none of us knew the word "closet", and none of us really experienced any of the side effects of living in total secrecy.

Naturally, life interfered. One of my closest buddies was walked in while he was fucking a willing dude in the storage room for janitor's supplies at his college. He was attending an arts academy, so by far, most guys were pretty liberal anyway, and the story became a sort of an anecdote. They promised to keep it down, and find better places for their little fun and games in the future, but nothing else came out of this little incident.

The bottom dude, who was another friend of mine insisted that his top (albeit, a very versatile one) dude told him BEFORE the play, that he was not going to be seeing him for a while. When asked why, he laconically replied, "Dude I'll be fucking you from the back, so we won't be seeing each other..."

Everyone used to agree in those days that being gay was not really a good thing for anyone. But hardly anyone expected the guys not to have sex until they got married. A great degree of tolerance came out of this general attitude.

KD

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It's so familiar, what was said and what wasn't said. When I came out to my father in in the mid-1980s he, a former Air Force officer, said he'd "known guys who did this" or words to that effect and was OK with me. I didn't ask more about it, he didn't tell, and we went on with the business of having a more open and honest relationship. I actually took him and his girlfriend out to dinner at a DC gay bar/restaurant. They were fine, as far as I could tell.

There was no mention of his being Catholic and going to church every Sunday and my being brought up that way, nor the Church's teachings. It was the same thing as when he and I had talked about masturbation in the 1970s. Part of the Catholic heritage, I think, recognized that "the flock" did not always live by the admonitions from on high but also lived by their own conscience and decisions, whether sub rosa or vocally. That became even moreso after Vatican II in the early 60s.

Now of course our culture celebrates openness and freedom and people are urged to be increasingly public about who they are and what they do. Mass media is part, and the Internet, and especially the explosion of social media. I wonder sometimes how much we've abandoned of those "secret" private spaces where we could once explore and try things with being identified and labeled or labeling ourselves.

Enough with that, time to get on with my other work for all of you on this site.

Bob

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As you said - that must have been a cultural difference. We had sex - but really never talked about it until we were ready for the next time.

And we never mentioned names - I remember years later talking with a long time sex buddy and he mentioned that he had found a mutual friend on Facebook and that he was married with kids. I was surprised and said "Mike has a wife? I was sure he was going to end up gay" and that led to my buddy finding out Mike and I had fooled around and he was pissed I never told him so he could have as well!




Exactly - girls did not put out as often or as easily as guys wanted - and I know a lot of guys who fooled around for a time - at least until a bit older when they got girlfriends that would take care of their needs.

There were also a number of guys that were not into gay sex - but that did not mean you might not jack off together if someone had porn or you were in a situation where you had limited privacy. After all we all saw each other showering in gym class so seeing his cock was not a big deal....

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In some respects "don't ask don't tell" was not just a military stance - it was the way of the world for generations. "Uncle Bob" wasn't gay - he was your "bachelor uncle".

I am sure my parents had their suspicions why Steve and I spent the night at each others house so much - but it was never talked about.



A couple of years ago a friend down the street who is VERY Catholic and I were talking about TV and she mentioned how much she and her husband laughed at an episode of Parenthood where the teenage son was taking long and frequent showers... as their son did the same thing. I made some stupid comment about "but that is a Catholic no-no" and she just said "we gave up on that one a long time ago - you pick your battles" and I thought for a woman who has told me she and her husband waited for their wedding night I was glad she was not trying to go crazy with ancient dogma for her son....

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