I totally hear you!

Operating in 'underground' had many of its upsides, too. The transgressive identity for one, made the bonds of friendship and mutual dependency very strong. You learnt how to depend on your buddies for more than just the actual act of sex. No one had planned that but, to some extent, our close-knit coteries of the past served as powerful personal support networks. Once you were in, you were counting on your close buddies, and they were counting on you for quite a bit more than just sexual relief.

Very few guys got rejected, and you treated your buddies and their friends with a great deal of respect, because there was no easy, safe and quick way of finding the new ones. Not everyone got whom they wanted (and there was no such expectation either), but by far, most guys got treated in a friendly and kind manner. I remember being introduced to two young country dudes who I was not really interested in. Well, I told them I was too busy but I picked up the phone, and call a couple of my buddies who thought they would be interested ... The point here being that a country dude who just made it into the big town, young and scared did not get dropped down like a used tissue but that someone put in an effort to help them connect.

The normalization and assimilation reduced discrimination, brought about societal progress, and in its wake destroyed the sense of close-knit camaraderie we felt towards each other. Suddenly, no guy was really good enough, because there were so many other guys waiting around the block. Guys started treating each other as throw away after one way use only - an unthinkable thing in the past.

Sure, cruising for sex became so much easier with all the apps, the websites, etc.. 'Getting caught' in the sense of getting outed are really no more the issues anyone is thinking about in many places around the world. I am sure that this is good in greater, societal context.

On a more personal level, hooking up among a dozen of your buddies actually worked better than having a choice of 800 folks around, without the time and energy to go through all the profiles, fakes, flakes & Co.

True, the pre-normalization guys focused on sex, too. But focusing on sex ALONE was not going to get you very far. You had to play by a certain rulebook, show basic manners or agree that you were not going to be benefitting from your underground network for very long.

We cannot turn the wheel of history back. And I really doubt that too many people would want us to do so, even if we could. But remembering the complexities of our past has its merit, too.

KD

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